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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Captain Butcher MacValentinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sheakhan
    ASL Info:    20/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    5.63 - 149/153/66
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Misc/Legend
    Total Views: 92
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1538



    Description:
       i wrote a fairly epic poem on the same subject, and naturally the internet failed to allow my publishing of it. so here's my shoddy attempt at recapturing this personality.

    sorry.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCaptain Butcher MacValentinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He's got salt crusted eyeballs
    from the sea and the wind
    with a red scarf wrapped around one
    to keep the lad in.
    Wears a fine woolen bridge-coat
    separating shiver from bones,
    he is known for sending many a sailor to Jones.

    His mates they raise mugs,
    and praise him for his brine,
    and pray that the ocean
    sends each man home fine.
    Fer a far worse fate to be the mate
    of Cpt. Butcher MacValentine.

    He's a crustier dog
    then ever there were
    with a roar to rival the sea.
    And no tear leaves his eye
    for no reason on earth.
    'tis no place for a tear to be.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~

    Yarr,
    I've scoured the oceans,
    I've scoured the seas,
    all ta' locate a sea dog
    with more salt than me.
    But still to this day,
    only one lad is e'en,
    I spied 'im in the mirror
    once while I were shavin'.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    To note the tear upon my beard, when no tears have fallen for these past twenty years would be to note my own failing. There would be to admit the beating of my heart, and of my reminiscing on love, I set to sea to leave it, and left the sea to seek it, and both times it was lost. Each man has his story of sorrow. I will finish writing my own on my death bed. At the bottom of the sea.












    Submitted on 2007-12-13 14:38:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this, mainly because I have been out to sea and I've sailed and met many interesting people. Personally, I'd like to see more sailing jargon and vocabulary used - not that I can think of any words at the moment, but other than that I really enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2007-12-13 00:00:00 | by Astair | [ Reply to This ]
      Aye, crusty indeed. Generally this is a good read and good depiction, but it is a little bit too wordy in places which tends to mess up the meter. A little rearranging could help this a lot.

    There are some grammar problems which detract a little, such as, "He's a crustier dog then ever there were" unless "were" is meant to sound the way he might say it himself.

    I like the shift in styles. It's like giving a different point of view as you progress, getting into the words and then thoughts of the character himself.
    | Posted on 2007-12-13 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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