Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Simplicity


Author: Inkybro
ASL Info:    17/M/Oklahoma
Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 55 /69 /39
Words: 30
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1107
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 254



Description:




Simplicity



I have no need
For fancy words.
To put it simply,
I feel unheard.
Atop a mountain,
Flying high,
Yelling out
"I'm falling."
It's true:
I'm losing myself
To you.




Submitted on 2007-12-13 14:41:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Short and sweet ............well written and true.............its simplicity after all that is worthy of praise in the long run ....there is no number of fancy words could convey as much or as well as a simple gesture can

Nice write-up...good work.
| Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ]
  It is very true that you have no need for fancy words. You're very capable of getting the message clearly across with simplicity! I always enjoy your poetry and am becoming a fan. :-) Sharon
| Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  well the title says it all really. although short in length, it conveys it's message well and i definately think this could be turned into something more substantial, if you so wish that to happen.

one improvement i would suggest would be to add punctuation to this piece, which may seem picky at first but it breaks the piece up so that it doesn't read like one big sentance, and, to some extent, makes it more managable for the reader.

something like:
"I have no need
For fancy words.
To put it simply,
I feel unheard.
Atop a mountain,
Flying high,
Yelling out
"I'm falling."
It's true.
I'm losing myself
To you."

would read better to me, but if that's not what you were going for then feel free to disregard it, as it is your piece after all, but i feel as if i should suggest something to help round off this write.

-james
| Posted on 2007-12-13 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



154370