Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Happy lil starsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: koolness
    ASL Info:    17/female/city of evil
    Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 80/106/56
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 326



    Description:
       ok...lets not point out the obvious and tell me its too repetative...I KNOW!!!
    * i wrote this when i was at ma friends b-day party and we were laying on the ground lookin in da sky n we saw like 7 shootin stars.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHappy lil starsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Twinkle, twinkle in the sky
    Twinkle, twinkle way up high
    Twinkle, twinkle shine so bright
    Twinkle, twinkle great ball of light
    Floating, floatin from the earth above
    Floating, floating tiny light we all love
    Floating, floating they wink at me
    Floating, floating looking so free




    Submitted on 2007-12-13 15:00:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well, I'm not exactly sure what kind of effect you were going for here. don't get me wrong, repetition can be a great thing, if used appropriately, its just that here I didn't see how it helped get any ind of point across, in fact I didn't understand if there really was a point at all to this.
    anyway, I don't mean to be unkind, I'm sure you've written better things!
    | Posted on 2007-12-13 00:00:00 | by marigold | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    154372

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Carry written by saartha
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Shi written by ShyOne
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Yes written by poetotoe
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry