This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

  Off

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password
Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Beautiful drop


Author: rachel gless
ASL Info:    23/f/mx
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 68 /89 /37
Words: 46
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 842
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 338



Description:

Let me know what you think!
I fixed the end, because it is true that it was repetitive :P


Beautiful drop


Beautiful drop
running down my cheek
sweep away my feelings

Beautiful drop
salty like the sea
clean all of my sins

Beautiful drop
crystal transparency
help me forget him

Beautiful drop
coming from within
make me stand and live




Submitted on 2007-12-13 23:41:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Perhaps something like "I shall stand and live" might make the final line more powerful, but this is really a very good good poem. I like its simplicity and focus. Sharon
| Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  Overall a good write. The last two stanzas seem too similar in the "help me" aspect. Perhaps something about "release" or "pouring out" would still get the point across?

Just a thought.
| Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?		7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



154394

EliteSkills

  Roleplay
  Top News