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Beautiful drop

Author: rachel gless
ASL Info:    23/f/mx
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 68 /89 /37
Words: 46
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 842
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 338


Let me know what you think!
I fixed the end, because it is true that it was repetitive :P

Beautiful drop

Beautiful drop
running down my cheek
sweep away my feelings

Beautiful drop
salty like the sea
clean all of my sins

Beautiful drop
crystal transparency
help me forget him

Beautiful drop
coming from within
make me stand and live

Submitted on 2007-12-13 23:41:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Perhaps something like "I shall stand and live" might make the final line more powerful, but this is really a very good good poem. I like its simplicity and focus. Sharon
| Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  Overall a good write. The last two stanzas seem too similar in the "help me" aspect. Perhaps something about "release" or "pouring out" would still get the point across?

Just a thought.
| Posted on 2007-12-14 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

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