Pained eyes by Dark Divinity

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Submission Name: Pained eyes dots

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Author:	Dark Divinity
ASL Info:	20 Male Michigan
Elite Ratio:	3.89 - 23/20/8
Words:	67

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	1161
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	480

Description:
Its how I feel, if I was to be in the army. Fighting for this corupt government of ours. I really dont care for Pres. Bush. I might add more to it later.

Pained eyes dots

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Don’t try and see,
Through these pained eyes.
Close your own,
Blind to the lies.

Why do you continue to try and look,
Through this mist of falsities.
Your hope they took,
The Governments prophecies.

Don’t try and see,
Through these pained eyes.
Blood filled sea,
The oceans rise.

Hold close to me.
I did wrong,
For my country.
A reapers song.

Submitted on 2007-12-14 07:48:20 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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4: Pretty cool
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||| Comments |||
  I love it it as so much detail and the words really seem to describe the disappointment and emotions in it. Its written very well I want to keep reading it so I faved it from how good it was . Although it kinda made sense and some didn't but still its awesome.
| Posted on 2009-10-13 00:00:00 | by XxAutumnStarsxX | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a really good topic to start with. Not often you get a poem that's not about love or angst. Over all, it was a really good poem. I agree with tryst, it does seem a little broken and strained. You have a really good idea here and I think you should try free verse. It seems like you were trying too hard to keep you rhyme scheme going, so you poem started to suffer because of it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading it, but I believe you should just try free verse.
When you do, let me know. I would love to read it. thanks, bye.

~*~katara~*~
| Posted on 2008-01-29 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree, the end seems to be a bit broken, but there's the potential for a very powerful poem here. Maybe work on a rewrite?
| Posted on 2007-12-20 00:00:00 | by tryst | [ Reply to This ]
  It was written well. I could feel the anger and disappointment. I liked it up to the last line, it just didn't make much sense to me. It was really good though. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

»MIss MIsery«
| Posted on 2007-12-15 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.