What is knowledge? I don't know if it hasn't already sunk in, but first you must admit that you know nothing,
Life? a storybook with a life after, but I'm more looking forward to the next chapter,
Fear? resides in the darkness of the night, harmless unless you harness it, and let it enter your body and spread like cancer,
Love? Its the answer, the only thing known to keep us together and tear us apart faster,
Weapons? take up more mass than they cause destruction, yet using them can lead to more than a volcanic eruption,
Morals? may corrupt you saying ethics is pathetic, you can find glory morally if you're not sympathetic,
Ethics? says live with empathy, a group of people is a community while an individual is a refugee,
Hope? is living fearlessly, it may be more fantasy than reality but it may just set you free,
Society? where you're put to the test, where pressure from itself lets you forget about the rest,
Heaven? A place where sin is not meant to be, if only Adam did not reach up the tree,
Where are we exactly, as a civilization? More or less trapped in eternal contemplation...
| Again as I said on one of your other pieces, there is a distinct tone of utmost superiority: 'I don't know if it hasn't already sunk in, but first you must admit that you know nothing'. That very nearly put me off from reading the rest of it: 'I know more than you' kind of tone.|
Thoughts on the concepts:
Very, very interesting. Not so much a poem as a list of concepts, so i won't critique it as a poem but instead will pick out a few of the concepts given.
Fear: Never harmless, fear is more destructive than love and weapons put together! In fact it is often the thing which will destroy a relationship or persuade a country to take up arms. It can be harnessed - but only in the sense of making your enemy fear you more than you fear them.
Morals/Ethics: Whatever point you are trying to make is difficult to understand, all I can say is to have morals you have to have sympathy and empathy.
Hope: Is not living fearlessly, it's the one human idea that one day you won't have to fear. Such a simple word, and the only thing that keeps so many people going.
I do however like your view on both love and society, although heaven wise - Eve reached up the tree.
Sorry, this is almost as long as your poem but one last point. If you want it to look like a poem it has to be structured better, for example:
where you're put to the test,
where pressure from itself
lets you forget about the rest,
|| Posted on 2008-02-27 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ] |