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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Auburndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angst
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 937



    Description:
       I'm tired.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAuburndots
    -------------------------------------------


    I don't want to be here, to be going there,
    by myself this time, this road this time,
    all by myself on this road.
    The thought stiffens my limbs.
    This familiarity is uncomfortable.
    Signs and stores and sidewalks.
    You know me all too well, I say,
    turning right and
    hoping
    this road is not as long as I remember.
    Things start to look foreign
    and one fear replaces another.
    I don't want to be here.
    Here, this scar that bled,
    when the world scratched me open.
    It bled compulsions and passions,
    anxieties and catastrophes.
    It never really healed and now
    I'm picking at it
    losing momentum on the hill,
    the phone in my hand the panic in my voice
    hoping
    you will not remember me as
    well as I remember you,
    this road, this time,
    all by myself on this road.




    Submitted on 2007-12-15 04:47:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      the phone in hand...i am scarred...i am different, how will this person remember me?

    my confidence has been so shaken by life...even familiar things seem strange and unfamiliar...as sheryl crow said.."i am a stranger in my own life"

    and my fingers ready to push the buttons...to cancel the meeting...if only i could be more sure of myself...feel that my experiences have made me stronger, better...

    lots to find in here...i am not exactly for making it longer...i often think less is more..

    saying it in less and allowing for wider interpretation.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the repetition near the beginning. It helps to communicate a rut, a bad spot, by alluding to repeating patterns. This is its best feature, I think.

    I do have the feeling of dragging as I'm reading through this, as though you are trudging toward some inevitable encounter.

    It reminds me of something too; in this book I was reading called "When Your Past is Hurting Your Present." (I can't remember the author right now, but if you're interested I'm sure it would be easy to look up) But anyway it asked what you would be afraid of if you were ever to become famous - what kind of juicy secrets might come up that you wouldn't want people to know about.

    Right away I understood it was directing you to think about and focus on the things that bother you most about yourself.

    I can understand the feeling when meeting someone for the first time in a long time, you are hoping they'll remember certain things about you but maybe not others.

    For the most part, I've been surprised how forgetful people are. Children seem to remember things a long time and hold grudges, like when you live in a small town and do something when you're a kid that you can't manage to live down even in high school. But for the most part adults are forgetful and too involved with their own lives to think about others in too much detail.

    The middle stanzas about the scar read a little awkward - I think it's the transition or punctuation that is a little choppy - but I'm not sure what to recommend to fix it in this blurred state of mind I'm currently in. But for the most part, I liked this.

    Bye for now,
    Erin
    | Posted on 2010-09-22 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      wow that was really cool,Maybe it could have been longer, but just becouse I didnt want it to end,very good
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by Diablo Tapitio | [ Reply to This ]


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