This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

  Off

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password
Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Night and Day


Author: rachel gless
ASL Info:    23/f/mx
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 68 /89 /37
Words: 63
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 945
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 421



Description:

Let me know what you think!


Night and Day


A spiny rose
An untamed horse
A stubborn heart
That’s what I am

And yet you love me
We’re night and day
A thunder storm
A calmed river

I’m giving you
My heart and soul
A silver platter
And a hand to hold

For you have earned it
With golden sword
Which is your love
From up above




Submitted on 2007-12-15 15:19:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Love it except the last stanza. I think it ends too abruptly and sounds kind of weird. Maybe you could try changing the very last line to something that doesn't rhyme.

Either way, it's your piece, and a good piece at that. Just thought I'd offer that little suggestion.

=]

-Ethan
| Posted on 2007-12-16 00:00:00 | by Inkybro | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?		7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



154449

EliteSkills

  Roleplay
  Top News