Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: when the sun went outdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: D-Ink
    Elite Ratio:    1.38 - 81/59/58
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 687
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1293



    Description:
       i wrote this when i had uncertified emotions within me. i shared with you, hoping you'd like it. pls feel free to comment. peace


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhen the sun went outdots
    -------------------------------------------


    when your insanity peaks in,
    we are in trouble.

    when your eyes are bright and sparkling,
    we tremble in fear.

    your speeches - both quiet and loud,
    sends danger signals in the air.

    your touch- incapable of emotions,
    lay awake at night.

    when we come face to face,
    we crumble; while you triumphed.

    your words - sharp as knife,
    always cutting us

    into shredded pieces,
    barely missing our targeted hearts.

    the day when the sun went out,
    we, the tattered ones

    marched solemly
    with sharpened thoughts and razor tongues.

    our minds took a turn -
    once a pink; now ashen black with red dashes

    is it any wonder
    how we manage to ride you down?

    slow and beautifully,
    painfully...

    the day the sun gone out
    we waited - silently.

    the time came- swiftly and abrubtly
    we delivered

    six feet under
    was your final abode

    a gaping mouth with silent cries
    were our present

    we watched, we smiled -
    mouths twisted in an agonized bliss

    - of vision.




    Submitted on 2007-12-16 00:35:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you did a really cool job writing this. i really enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by Nessyjane | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    154466

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Linger written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    This written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Bond written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry