Very creepy, original, and good. Just a side note... I think its suppose to be "breathes" ^.^ I think, check it to be sure. Uhm thats about all I saw that was wrong with it... To make it great though... it might need a little work... (this is just my opinion, no offense meant, ignore it if you choose). Add more detail and emotion to it... It seemed sorta blah at first when I read it. -Alli
I have gothic friends and this reminds me of them. I like this poem. It's really dark and s little creepy but thats what makes it cool. It's original, i don't think i read anything like it. It's going on my fav list. good write! Jan,
LOVE IT! VAMPIRES RULE! PLEASE SIRE ME! i think you should remove, or alther the lines "and is in love with the dead." "im a gothic child" and "and everything that bleeds.". they dont seem to fit, and "im a gothic girl" is redundant since u say so ant the top of the verse. i think it would make a good emo screamo song, you know, 2 vocals one male or female with a high pitched emotion filled voice, and another with a raw hate filled scream.