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    dots Submission Name: a second's worth of lying.dots

    Author: freeradical
    ASL Info:    22/feline/london
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 311/405/63
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1142
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 309


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    dotsa second's worth of lying.dots

    i want to make you
    fall in love with me.
    just a little bit.

    i tell myself it's so
    i crush you carelessly,
    the way you hurt me.

    but really
    it's so even if just for a moment,
    i feel like
    you love me back.

    Submitted on 2007-12-16 19:23:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece brings out the fact that there are guys who never want a lasting relationship.
    All they ever want is a trusting pardner who can not see their only desire is to have a second deposit into a sperm bank.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Ron on every point. Also, it's not merely "a short amount of words", but good free verse because I recited it straight off and the speech rhythm is so natural and expresses passion like the words'; it varies so much stanza by stanza, but always appropriately.

    I miss a level of irony: a taste of self-satire that sometimes can lift self-pity into the skies of self-knowledge .. dunno how ... I don't understand that a lot, but just like to read about it!
    | Posted on 2007-12-16 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent
    In the short amount of words used you wrapped up how frustrating a relationship can be when a persons Soulmate seems not to be reciprocating
    I Liked how you showed the pain one feels and put that pain eloquently to words
    Thats not an easy task as pain always seems so very hard to describe
    Great Work!!
    God Bless
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2007-12-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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