Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    26/f/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 78/85/51
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1001
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1038



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My feet slink through the cold
    I quicken my pace to reach you
    Skies of stars shine above my head
    The moonlit path covered in snow

    A forbidden meeting, a secret place
    Where you and I fairly roam
    It is longing that bring us here
    The passion pushes us farther than fear

    I breech the opening of the hollowed oak
    A sight embedded in my mind
    Your silhouette glows within the night
    Your arms stretched wide toward me

    I fall into your warm embrace
    You gently cup my frost kissed face
    I am startled by the look in your eyes
    The despair I find is whispering goodbye

    No words are spoke for none I could utter
    In which could possibly explain
    The hopelessness which envelopes me
    Silently I turn to walk away

    Years went by as I convinced myself
    You existed in only dreams
    For in my sleep I relive that night
    And your face is all I see





    Submitted on 2007-12-17 14:09:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed how you gave just enough details to string the reader on and still kept a haunting mystery to your tone in this write! It's always been kinda funny to me how the little, suttle things in our memories seem to stand out the most. Overall I think this is a great piece it expresses emotion, creates intrigue and remains, like most memories that fade into dreams, mysterious and nostalgic. Definitey a favorite!
    | Posted on 2009-11-28 00:00:00 | by all2rest | [ Reply to This ]
      WEll lot of explaining left out

    1. Write a description. How can i say that this is a dream that you saw or you dreamt of someone in real.
    2. The title could have been better. SAy "In dreams alive" ...etc however your taste is.
    3. I am a sadist so this is the best line i find in the whole poem.
    "The despair I find is whispering goodbye"
    Nice.....:-)
    4. The last line sounds odd.
    It could have been
    a. And your face is all that I see.
    or
    b. your face is all I see......


    Keestu@gmail.com
    | Posted on 2007-12-18 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Skies of stars.. Thats brilliant. Sky in plural form, always interesting. It'd be cool if the person in your dreams was a real person you didn't know that was dreaming about you too.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by Sethesin | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the imagry in this. I can still hear the quiet crunch of snow under your feet as you approach the tree you described in your poem. As I started reading this, I thought I was reading a romantic love poem that was going to have that sappy happy ending that usually shows up. I was actually suprised with you in the poem when this seemingly enchanted magic meeting did not have a happy ending. I thought this was a cool effect. Through the beginning of the poem I was sort of thinking "awww" and then at the end i was left feeling a resigned sadness. I don't know, maybe it's just my current mood that is causing me to have such a emotional reaction, but none the less it is a well written poem.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    154528

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Carry written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Summer written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry