[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: In Dreamsdots

    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    32/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 78/85/52
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1038


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Dreamsdots

    My feet slink through the cold
    I quicken my pace to reach you
    Skies of stars shine above my head
    The moonlit path covered in snow

    A forbidden meeting, a secret place
    Where you and I fairly roam
    It is longing that bring us here
    The passion pushes us farther than fear

    I breech the opening of the hollowed oak
    A sight embedded in my mind
    Your silhouette glows within the night
    Your arms stretched wide toward me

    I fall into your warm embrace
    You gently cup my frost kissed face
    I am startled by the look in your eyes
    The despair I find is whispering goodbye

    No words are spoke for none I could utter
    In which could possibly explain
    The hopelessness which envelopes me
    Silently I turn to walk away

    Years went by as I convinced myself
    You existed in only dreams
    For in my sleep I relive that night
    And your face is all I see

    Submitted on 2007-12-17 14:09:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed how you gave just enough details to string the reader on and still kept a haunting mystery to your tone in this write! It's always been kinda funny to me how the little, suttle things in our memories seem to stand out the most. Overall I think this is a great piece it expresses emotion, creates intrigue and remains, like most memories that fade into dreams, mysterious and nostalgic. Definitey a favorite!
    | Posted on 2009-11-28 00:00:00 | by all2rest | [ Reply to This ]
      WEll lot of explaining left out

    1. Write a description. How can i say that this is a dream that you saw or you dreamt of someone in real.
    2. The title could have been better. SAy "In dreams alive" ...etc however your taste is.
    3. I am a sadist so this is the best line i find in the whole poem.
    "The despair I find is whispering goodbye"
    4. The last line sounds odd.
    It could have been
    a. And your face is all that I see.
    b. your face is all I see......

    | Posted on 2007-12-18 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Skies of stars.. Thats brilliant. Sky in plural form, always interesting. It'd be cool if the person in your dreams was a real person you didn't know that was dreaming about you too.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by Sethesin | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the imagry in this. I can still hear the quiet crunch of snow under your feet as you approach the tree you described in your poem. As I started reading this, I thought I was reading a romantic love poem that was going to have that sappy happy ending that usually shows up. I was actually suprised with you in the poem when this seemingly enchanted magic meeting did not have a happy ending. I thought this was a cool effect. Through the beginning of the poem I was sort of thinking "awww" and then at the end i was left feeling a resigned sadness. I don't know, maybe it's just my current mood that is causing me to have such a emotional reaction, but none the less it is a well written poem.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Genesis written by saartha
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Stretto written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Incubus written by monad
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    This written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]