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    dots Submission Name: In Dreamsdots

    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    32/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 78/85/52
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1278
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1038


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Dreamsdots

    My feet slink through the cold
    I quicken my pace to reach you
    Skies of stars shine above my head
    The moonlit path covered in snow

    A forbidden meeting, a secret place
    Where you and I fairly roam
    It is longing that bring us here
    The passion pushes us farther than fear

    I breech the opening of the hollowed oak
    A sight embedded in my mind
    Your silhouette glows within the night
    Your arms stretched wide toward me

    I fall into your warm embrace
    You gently cup my frost kissed face
    I am startled by the look in your eyes
    The despair I find is whispering goodbye

    No words are spoke for none I could utter
    In which could possibly explain
    The hopelessness which envelopes me
    Silently I turn to walk away

    Years went by as I convinced myself
    You existed in only dreams
    For in my sleep I relive that night
    And your face is all I see

    Submitted on 2007-12-17 14:09:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed how you gave just enough details to string the reader on and still kept a haunting mystery to your tone in this write! It's always been kinda funny to me how the little, suttle things in our memories seem to stand out the most. Overall I think this is a great piece it expresses emotion, creates intrigue and remains, like most memories that fade into dreams, mysterious and nostalgic. Definitey a favorite!
    | Posted on 2009-11-28 00:00:00 | by all2rest | [ Reply to This ]
      WEll lot of explaining left out

    1. Write a description. How can i say that this is a dream that you saw or you dreamt of someone in real.
    2. The title could have been better. SAy "In dreams alive" ...etc however your taste is.
    3. I am a sadist so this is the best line i find in the whole poem.
    "The despair I find is whispering goodbye"
    4. The last line sounds odd.
    It could have been
    a. And your face is all that I see.
    b. your face is all I see......

    | Posted on 2007-12-18 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      Skies of stars.. Thats brilliant. Sky in plural form, always interesting. It'd be cool if the person in your dreams was a real person you didn't know that was dreaming about you too.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by Sethesin | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the imagry in this. I can still hear the quiet crunch of snow under your feet as you approach the tree you described in your poem. As I started reading this, I thought I was reading a romantic love poem that was going to have that sappy happy ending that usually shows up. I was actually suprised with you in the poem when this seemingly enchanted magic meeting did not have a happy ending. I thought this was a cool effect. Through the beginning of the poem I was sort of thinking "awww" and then at the end i was left feeling a resigned sadness. I don't know, maybe it's just my current mood that is causing me to have such a emotional reaction, but none the less it is a well written poem.
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]

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