This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

.Death Notice.

Author: SlanderousLust
ASL Info:    21/Q/Four inches from you
Elite Ratio:    5.15 - 89 /137 /74
Words: 96
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1725
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 738


Alas. . .

.Death Notice.

I'm the left-handed assassin.
I'm the inverted executioner.
My weapon is intrusion,
My tactics are inevitable.

You're my unsuspecting victim,
You're my exhausted little trophy.
Your defenses are outdated,
Your perceptions are askew.

There're burn marks on your fingers from the friction.
There is malice on my blade and caution on my lips.
There're cautionary signs in my surveyor's eyes.
There is blind mercy but not for you.

I'll stain you with my poison,
I'll finish you with my blade.
I'll defile your eager body,
and murder your innocence ruse.

Submitted on 2007-12-17 14:57:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  It's so hard for me to comment on your stuff because I can never offer any constructive criticism. And I'd hate to waste your time with repetitive compliments, but you're not giving me anything negative to work with here!!!

I really love what you do with words.
It's creepy, gorgeous, brilliant, and you get your point across very well.

"Inverted executioner," huh? That's a new one. I like it. How do you come up with this stuff?
You always leave me fascinated.

Beautifully done.

| Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
  I like your style. This is your second of your writings I have read and you have a defined style. A very good one at that.

There're cautionary signs in my surveyor's eyes.

That line stuck out. It's wonderful. It was one of those lines that after you read it, you're like "damn. this is awesome."

The left-handed assassin was clever as well.

You give something to think about.

The last line threw me off though. I'm going back and I'm not sure what to think of it. Maybe it's because you had a steady rhythm before it, using shorter sentences? Maybe because it's 'innocence' instead of 'innocent'? Althought I like it better that way.

Gah, I'm not sure. But I thought I'd put it out there so this could seem a little informative instead of "omg, you're awesome."

though that would work. :]

| Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?