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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Liquid Wordsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1015
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 474



    Description:
       I wasn't sure what to to call this. I might change it later. By premeasured blobs, I'm referring to my supposed tendency to write very short 4-5 line poems.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiquid Wordsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Liquid words fall from the sky,
    and my brain like cupped hands
    catches all that it can.
    They mingle as they wait there
    until like a squid
    I release my ink
    in pre-measured blobs
    on pretty page after page,
    but my mind longs
    for the words that got away
    the storm drains
    full of poems and novels.
    Perhaps as they evaporate,
    and fall again
    my mind can reclaim some of them.




    Submitted on 2004-06-25 17:25:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is actually quite lovely. Very personal yet open. I can relate in a sense but still it reminds me that all are made with a certain level of individuality held deep within them.
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the last line would be better as: 'I can reclaim some of them' Very good analogy, and a feeling recognisable to most writers, I should think! Becky
    | Posted on 2004-06-29 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job on this. I wish that something magical really did drop words and ideas into our brains. Maybe it could be a storm for poets and writers only, we don't want everyone to be famous writers! LoL Great write!
    --blt
    | Posted on 2004-06-26 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      the images of the strom and the liquid words are great. they fit perfectly. your poem was a great read but I would connect the last line more to the rest. my mind longs for a conjunction there. but that's just me. anyway great poem. very well done.
    | Posted on 2004-06-26 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I likit, I likit, I likit! I got that feeling like you were going to drop the line of suspense somewhere in there, and then you just effortlessly took up the strain again and...and...and... Well, let's just say that whatever drug I'm on is making everything I read look like a masterpiece, or else you guys are just awesome today!
    | Posted on 2004-06-26 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the thought at the core of this. you write very frankly and with simplicity. like black coffee, no sugary chaser. the part i liked the best was the storm drains full of words and novels that perhaps get recycled down to you in time. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the title is just fine. And the poem is really really awesome - I really, really liked the metaphors you've used... I really have no constructive criticism - I'm just too dazzled. Once again - super awesome
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      hey, this is really cool! being a minimalist myself, i often wonder where the "extra" words go, you know, like when people tell you "it should be longer..." i love the image of your brain like cupped hands, catching the words. how unique is that! and some fall through, perhaps to be evaporated later, maybe?! great poem, amy, and i'm glad i got to read one today. i got my cuddledumplin fix, and it's a great one! i hope you're feelin' better. i always loved taking those "happy" pills... like codeine or whatever. i'd get real weird creative and write some trippy stuff. "my world" came from that!
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh, nice. One critique: 1st., 2nd, line:

    Liquid words fall from the sky.
    My Brain, like cupped hands,

    To me, it reads more intuitively that way. The way you have it now, I first read it as if the sky and your brain were both raining words. Of course, a double take was all that it took to see what you were really saying, but I think it would be better if a double take is not necessary. Good job!
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      "Until like a squid
    I release my ink
    In premeasured blobs
    On pretty page after page"

    Oooh. I absolutely loved that imagery/metaphor.
    I know that feeling of when you get suddenly inspired and all of these great words/thoughts/ideas come pouring out of nowhere, and you rush to try and capture them all, but inevitabely, some of them escape you. And that can be infuriating. Great piece.
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful and and wonderfully written, I love the idea of words as liquid and that we get our poetry from them like catching rain in a storm. And saying that some of them get away, well I have certainly felt like that more than once. This was just uber awesome.
    Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it all up until the end O.O the very last line just didn't wanna fit for some reason, at least not for me. I dunno o.O either way it was still good ^.^ Awesome job.
    -Alli
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by Childoutspoken | [ Reply to This ]


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