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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Second Bestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Talamir
    Elite Ratio:    6.62 - 9/8/5
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 81
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 597



    Description:
       Second Attempt.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecond Bestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So I suppose I should of known,
    By the way you cradled her hand,
    Instead of mine,
    When you saw her.

    So I suppose I should of known,
    When she looked at me and shook her head,
    Her eyes said "Another attempt"
    And yours responded "She's not you"

    And you would think, I should of guessed,
    What it meant,
    When you left my side,
    To be on her right.

    This is what you get, for being the new one,
    The new one between true love.
    I'll always be second best.




    Submitted on 2007-12-17 20:35:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      To start, I am going to say you did a wonderful job here. I have to be honest, I have never personally read anything (on here) about the sadness of being second best. You did an original job on this piece. Flow was good. Didn't have to read a line over and over again to understand.

    I felt your emotion in this. It's so strange because it actually put some perspective in a situation I am in, except it's reversed. There is a new girlfriend and I tend to never see where she could be coming from. So, thank you for that! Helped a lot, actually.

    The ending (to me) has to be as strong ... if not stronger than the previous words before it. With saying that ... your end was magnificent.

    "This is what you get, for being the new one,
    The new one between true love.
    I'll always be second best."

    Also the reason I have gained a new perspective. That is what writing is all about. Inspiring something in someone if only for a minute when they read it. This one will stay with me though.

    If this is from a personal experience, I'm sorry to hear it. I say this because I can feel your sadness and vulnerability in the piece. I can’t begin to understand where you are coming from but I feel it.

    Nice work.

    Still
    | Posted on 2007-12-17 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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