I'm Egocentric (I Confess) by charmedidentity

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Submission Name: I'm Egocentric (I Confess) dots

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Author:	charmedidentity
ASL Info:	20/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:	7.33 - 788/755/297
Words:	155

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Misc
Total Views:	149
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	990

Description:
Just wanted to admit something people have trouble admitting. Yep, We think of ourselves first. And even when we claim we don't, there is always something subconsciously for us.

I'm Egocentric (I Confess) dots

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I’m narcissistic in nature
It drives me totally senseless
I try my best not to show it
I draw illusions to change it
But what’s the use, I still blow it
I blame myself, I’m still senseless,
I’m narcissistic in nature
I say, I’m egocentric.

At least I had the guts to confess
Unlike those liars out there
They tell you stories of themselves
Shading the mirror they stare.
They put the makeup on their face
To hide the blemishes they share
Those perfect features are fake
Can u try to prove me wrong?
Oh no, you can’t tell me that
Oh no, your eyes walk from mine.

I’m narcissistic, I show it
You’re conceited, you know
I’m only human with flaws,
I don’t deny you when I’m wrong
I’d never think of you first
You’re in my mind though, you know
I’m narcissistic, I show it
I say, I’m egocentric.

Submitted on 2007-12-18 18:27:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I like the theme. I totally agree with you about us being selfish and self-centered and as you say, those you dare deny it are flat out lying, that’s for sure.

Let’s get down to business; the piece has got a delightful rhythm which gives it, to my mind, a sort of slightly cynical sense to it. However, the flow, at times, appears to be hindered by the randomly inappropriate choice of words. One example of the aforesaid matter, are the last three lines regarding stanza 2. The question sounds off and is one of the first spoilers, as far as the flow is concerned. I would either re-write it or cast it aside for good, your call though.

One thing I did like about your lyrcis was line 5 concerning the aforesaid stanza. I can clearly relate to it and to the whole write, for that matter. Moreover, the reason I liked line 5 so much was because it seems as if that particular idea were in tune with what I think and with the predominant themes of some of my current poems. To me, you are saying that people put on a costume to hide their flaws and imperfections and to conceal the worst of them, which can be taken to mean either their defects or their darkest deeds. I love that line, I really do. In fact, I think I wrote something strikingly similar in a poem of mine, called "Erasable colours" … I’d be thrilled if you read it, by the way.

As to the ending, I must confess, I did not particularly enjoy it. I did relish the first part of stanza 3 but then again the ending gets blighted by the unsuitable wording. My suggestion would to re-think the final part (of the last stanza) so as to smooth out the roughness/raggedness of it, so to speak.

Finally, I must say that this is one most scintillating writes you’ve written and I reckon that it can become something much better than that. It does have the potential to be powerful and ultimately great!

That's about it!

If you decide to edit this peice, please let me know. I’d be more than happy to read an enhanced version.

Warm regards,

Ethan

| Posted on 2007-12-18 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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