Gravestone for Nature's Love
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Thoughts?
Gravestone for Nature's Love
Stranger, I know your name your face your body. Stranger, You have my heart my mind my body. You call me stranger when I've lain in your arms both naked my body, my soul. I've given myself up for you Stranger, this is strange how far we've fallen out of arms, out of beds, out of lives. Stranger, this is strange, seeing you as no one. Love, I've forgotten your name your face your beauty. Love, I've kept my own heart my own mind my own body. Love, This is strange forgetting our days. |
Submitted on 2007-12-19 20:06:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| I'm trying to think of what to say. I think this was a great write. I like the repetive words "stranger" and "love" ... it gives me a strange sense of absolute void. I don't mean that in a negative way at all. And I'm not even sure if the word void is the word I'm searching for. But it seems you use the two words as the same. They counteract each other. A stranger but a love. Something I can relate to in my own life. I particularly liked: You call me stranger when I've lain in your arms both naked my body, my soul. The words were strong and gave the reader a glimpse of what you are going through. "both naked my body, my soul" ... It shows a great deal of vulnerability which I found is difficult to portray in such an evident way. I really enjoyed the choppy nature of the piece as well. The structure was definitely something that stood out to me. I feel it was possibly the way you view the relationship? Emotions write the words and structure of a poem. I say excellent job. Still | Posted on 2007-12-20 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ] | this is strange | how far we've fallen out of arms, out of beds, out of lives. How poignant and mind-twisting, yet so simply captured... but then, simple is almost always complex. What were my thoughts when reading this? Love which makes you sigh, no matter how far ground into dust it might now be... or maybe, I'm just projecting my own recent experiences into this (I'll digress again, but that's one of the essences of poetry to me anyway--that universalness of emotion and experience we all go through and feel). This makes me feel sad--gently sad, if that make sense--and like... there'll be another one around the corner, beyond this cemetery, out there in the bright blue and burning yellow world. Some might say optimism is delusional, but I like that state... The title... Mother Earth talking to you, saying she's a part of you and you're a part of her... that all things revolve and are recycled and made anew. Symbolically-speaking, of course. It could just be about a stranger's love, after all. Or... it could be both. Or a million other things. My mind wanders. This piece captures purity from some mysterious angle. Peace,  Jase | Posted on 2007-12-20 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ] | this is strange. in a good way. i'm a little confused about how the title relates. in my mind i guess reading it, it just didn't seem to have anything to do with what the title suggested. i mean nature. i can see the gravestone maybe in the last lines about forgetting our days. | even though the title is a bit confusing(to me anyway) there is something mysterious and dark lurking in these words. i almost think you should go with another "my" in front of soul and drop the slash. sounds and reads better i think. i like the form you chose. even slightly dark subject matter can be lightened somewhat with the proper format. not that dark is bad but sometimes it can be overly so. this is very nice. thanks for sharing. | Posted on 2007-12-19 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ] | |
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