[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Abyssdots

    Author: Xena
    ASL Info:    17/F/Pluto
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 24/20/22
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 586
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1175

       Part 2 My cousin and I wrote this one

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Abyssdots

    ssI slowly fall into the abyss, nobody to save me. My thoughts flash through my mind and a smile spreads across my face as a boy enters my mind. He was the man of my dreams, the boy who was there. His existence led to my fall. His smile and eyes where there in my mind. As he looked at me the smile remained on my face, and then as I zoomed out of his reach, another girl came into view. She was holding his hand and my smile vanished. He looked at me and said,” You waited to long,” They vanished from my sight, I kept falling and he wouldn’t come back into my mind. He had known of my affections for him and yet he chose another. Tears flooded my face and hatred filled my heart. It wasn’t fair, I wanted him, and we were meant to be. It wasn’t her place to ruin true love. I fell and nobody would miss me or long for me, to be by my side. As I fell I began to long for the bottom then the hurt inside my heart would cease. Then the end was in sight and I braced myself for the end. When I finally hit covers flew around me. My eyes opened and I realized it was a dream. As my heart raced, I laid on my pillow. My deepest, darkest fear had been realized… There was another.

    Submitted on 2007-12-20 14:07:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow this was good,My favorite line was his existence led to my downfall,I think that sums it up,This really explains how painful love and loss can hurt.
    I do enjoy your style,keeps you interested till the end,which is good for those of us A.D.D.
    you do have Talent and I cant wait toRead More.
    Thank you,
    Spirithorse, AKA Diablo
    | Posted on 2008-01-08 00:00:00 | by Diablo Tapitio | [ Reply to This ]
      This is skillful, and well told, Melissa! It captures the intense mood created by dreams, and masterfully told an excellent story in verse! Nice going, gal!
    | Posted on 2007-12-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    This written by Chelebel
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    ME written by jjd
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]