A very strong and beautiful write that speaks easily to any reader.. The rhyme flows nicely through and I like how the first four stanzas didn't rhyme.. They almost feel like they are setting the stage for the next stanzas that do.. Now, the rhyme in the sixth stanza was a little confusing to me:
"I remember your eyes
Locking on me
But though I'm here
Now they never see me"
The rhyming word at the end of the second and fourth lines are the same word, which makes this stanza feel a little out of place with its rhyming scheme to me.. Next, the second line in the seventh stanza I think just has a couple spelling errors:
"Even sot and sweet on the phone"
I think you meant to say "Ever soft and sweet on the phone", so I figured I would at least point out the typo.. Lastly, the final stanza the three "I'm"'s in a row seem a little alone without punctuation of any kind.. Personally I would have done something like:
because it adds that hesitation after each one that I assume you were putting there to begin with.. Anyway, enough from the peanut gallery here..
Lots of love,
i hope this isnt about the one ex that i dont like :p its ok you have me :P this is good, however you lied to me it does kinda ryme, i like the way you right out of standard, just like me :) i miss you, only 6 more days to go!