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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Clothy Prisondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    18/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.56 - 450/375/90
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 222
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 650



    Description:
       Hmmm.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClothy Prisondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Drip drip drip

    The sound of falling drops
    echo in the next corridor

    Silk falls against skin
    grabbing and snatching at hair
    Spiders leaving their nasty trails

    Thump thump thump

    My heart pumps through my shirt
    causing waves of shock across my face

    Scratching at invisible ropes
    tying me down like clothy chains
    my fingers feel like fire

    Groaning under the fear
    trapped in a fuzzy prison

    A scream

    A jerk

    I'm awake now.

    Everyone stares at me.




    Submitted on 2007-12-21 10:46:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Did you fall asleep in class? I remember I used to always fall asleep in Science and Math class. Sometimes when I'd wake up there would be drool all over my face and on the deak where my head was lying. Sometimes my hair would be wet with sweat and stuck to my face. I looked rather attractive at these moments. So glad to be in public among my peers in close proximity.
    | Posted on 2007-12-22 00:00:00 | by ssssss | [ Reply to This ]
      it is unclear. and the last 2 lines make it weak.

    it would fit better if it was like:

    "awake.

    Everyone stares"

    or "Everyone's staring"




    the things at the beginning seem unrelated.

    +Moz+
    | Posted on 2007-12-22 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the words you use but for me this wasn't very moving...you have potiential for greater writes....write something with a little more umph in it...if you nkow what i men..this was very interesting but the idea used too many times it was a little bland...but great words...that's what saved it....write another version on this same idea...diffrent way.....but that's up to you...it was good for what it is..but not something i'd read over and over
    | Posted on 2007-12-21 00:00:00 | by taintedsmiles | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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