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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memories after Midnightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyChaos
    ASL Info:    19/F/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 718/606/95
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1014
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1803



    Description:
       Ive worked on this poem, but it's missing something. I can't really put my finger on what.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemories after Midnightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Itís late, yet Iím still awake
    Pondering things of little consequence.
    My mind wanders, wonders, and meanders
    down a convoluted, nostalgic path.
    I taste my memories
    So sweet and melancholy,
    Just soft enough to sink your teeth into.
    The taste brings a smile to lips and I carry on

    A flash of violet catches my eye
    A spiral of satin ribbon
    Itís all thatís left of what made me a little girl,
    I lend down and pick it up
    Idly twirl it around my finger
    The sight of it brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    A familiar scent stops me in my tracks,
    I look for the source
    An ever-blooming bouquet
    Roses with soft peach petals
    Their longevity is a pleasant surprise,
    Since the love represented fizzled out long ago
    The scent of them brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    I had only taken a step,
    When I felt a gentle caress fondle each auburn tress
    And brush away a single tear.
    I could never forget that loving warm hand
    Itís gentleness only surpassed by its strength
    When the fingers curl into a fist, prepared to fight
    The feel of my motherís touch brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    A familiar melody fills my thoughts,
    Raising the hair on the back of my neck---
    In a good way.
    I cannot help but sing along,
    My voice resonating in my skull
    The sound brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    Itís late, and Iím still awake
    Pondering things of little consequence
    My mind wandered, wondered and meandered
    Down a convoluted, nostalgic path
    Before settled down
    And went to sleep.




    Submitted on 2007-12-23 03:24:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm something wrong with the piece other than omitting the "to" at the end of the first stanza and saying "lend" instead of "bend" I saw nothing wrong. This is really wonderful. I love how you ended the last stanzas up until the final stanza when you found peace at last. A really nice, I must commend you.

    Patting You On The Shoulder,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2007-12-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I would say the imagery is wonderful and gripping. I wanted to know more and kept reading this piece, alomst disappointed when reaching the last verse, I would say well done

    | Posted on 2007-12-23 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      i must say this is amazing your imagery put me beside myself it is hard to keep my attention and i make it a habbit to never read work that seems long i am so so glad i did today i would have missed this fabulous peice
    | Posted on 2007-12-23 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]


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