[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Memories after Midnightdots

    Author: LadyChaos
    ASL Info:    19/F/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 718/606/95
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1088
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1803

       Ive worked on this poem, but it's missing something. I can't really put my finger on what.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemories after Midnightdots

    Itís late, yet Iím still awake
    Pondering things of little consequence.
    My mind wanders, wonders, and meanders
    down a convoluted, nostalgic path.
    I taste my memories
    So sweet and melancholy,
    Just soft enough to sink your teeth into.
    The taste brings a smile to lips and I carry on

    A flash of violet catches my eye
    A spiral of satin ribbon
    Itís all thatís left of what made me a little girl,
    I lend down and pick it up
    Idly twirl it around my finger
    The sight of it brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    A familiar scent stops me in my tracks,
    I look for the source
    An ever-blooming bouquet
    Roses with soft peach petals
    Their longevity is a pleasant surprise,
    Since the love represented fizzled out long ago
    The scent of them brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    I had only taken a step,
    When I felt a gentle caress fondle each auburn tress
    And brush away a single tear.
    I could never forget that loving warm hand
    Itís gentleness only surpassed by its strength
    When the fingers curl into a fist, prepared to fight
    The feel of my motherís touch brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    A familiar melody fills my thoughts,
    Raising the hair on the back of my neck---
    In a good way.
    I cannot help but sing along,
    My voice resonating in my skull
    The sound brings a smile to my lips and I carry on

    Itís late, and Iím still awake
    Pondering things of little consequence
    My mind wandered, wondered and meandered
    Down a convoluted, nostalgic path
    Before settled down
    And went to sleep.

    Submitted on 2007-12-23 03:24:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm something wrong with the piece other than omitting the "to" at the end of the first stanza and saying "lend" instead of "bend" I saw nothing wrong. This is really wonderful. I love how you ended the last stanzas up until the final stanza when you found peace at last. A really nice, I must commend you.

    Patting You On The Shoulder,
    | Posted on 2007-12-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I would say the imagery is wonderful and gripping. I wanted to know more and kept reading this piece, alomst disappointed when reaching the last verse, I would say well done

    | Posted on 2007-12-23 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      i must say this is amazing your imagery put me beside myself it is hard to keep my attention and i make it a habbit to never read work that seems long i am so so glad i did today i would have missed this fabulous peice
    | Posted on 2007-12-23 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Saying it to you with some gangsta shit written by Daniel Barlow
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]