Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: MIDNIGHTdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569



    Description:
       this is just a tats e of someof my newest so let meknow what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMIDNIGHTdots
    -------------------------------------------



    I have been here before
    Digital clock
    Red illumination
    Reminds me Iím breathing
    Reminds me my glass is empty
    Iím empty
    Fate somehow twisted
    Left me mangled in ruin
    Remnants of what I was only minutes ago
    I will paint my face
    Make brightness where there is only shadow
    I can give you only promise
    Never again
    Never another sunset
    Never another look
    I pray the night takes me
    Wraps me in its darkness
    Hides me
    I am once again broken




    Submitted on 2007-12-23 15:26:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i love this, it seems like you write alot like i do, just raw thoughts with no concern for what comes next. i think it is the most easily understood form to write in because in doing this your poetry moves in circles, as the mind does, instead of in a linear motion, like many people write.

    i really liked the two lines "Remnants of what I was only minutes ago" and "I will paint my face". the way your phrased them was just right, and the transformation that the aspect of painting your face brought was wonderfull. I also really enjoyed the opening few lines, they really drew me in.

    the only line i did not like was the last "I am once again broken." it felt repetitive to me.

    all in all, good work
    much love, ariel
    | Posted on 2008-03-23 00:00:00 | by stasisindarknes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    154844

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    To written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Push written by JanePlane
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry