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    dots Submission Name: MIDNIGHTdots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 650
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569

       this is just a tats e of someof my newest so let meknow what you think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I have been here before
    Digital clock
    Red illumination
    Reminds me Iím breathing
    Reminds me my glass is empty
    Iím empty
    Fate somehow twisted
    Left me mangled in ruin
    Remnants of what I was only minutes ago
    I will paint my face
    Make brightness where there is only shadow
    I can give you only promise
    Never again
    Never another sunset
    Never another look
    I pray the night takes me
    Wraps me in its darkness
    Hides me
    I am once again broken

    Submitted on 2007-12-23 15:26:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i love this, it seems like you write alot like i do, just raw thoughts with no concern for what comes next. i think it is the most easily understood form to write in because in doing this your poetry moves in circles, as the mind does, instead of in a linear motion, like many people write.

    i really liked the two lines "Remnants of what I was only minutes ago" and "I will paint my face". the way your phrased them was just right, and the transformation that the aspect of painting your face brought was wonderfull. I also really enjoyed the opening few lines, they really drew me in.

    the only line i did not like was the last "I am once again broken." it felt repetitive to me.

    all in all, good work
    much love, ariel
    | Posted on 2008-03-23 00:00:00 | by stasisindarknes | [ Reply to This ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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    January 10 07
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