[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: For You...dots

    Author: Drifting Star
    ASL Info:    19/F/Somewhere
    Elite Ratio:    2.02 - 22/101/73
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 669
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 873

       Written for the memory of the girl I loved. We cannot be together any longer but I nurse the fragments of joy I still remember. I don't hate her and can only wish her well from this far away medium.

    Far From Elite,


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor You...dots

    I looked up into the winter sky tonight
    and caught of a glimpse of the silver light--
    such nights always remind me of you;
    I cannot claim this is a new experience.

    But what are you doing on this occasion?
    Perhaps remembering a past celebration?
    What of that Yuletide night we danced--
    danced until our feet would support us no more?

    We've gone our separate ways, as time has shown--
    traveling down roads shadowy and unknown;
    Sad is the parting of beloved friends--
    worse still is the parting of kindred spirits.

    I cannot say it aloud, but I do silently wish
    Of my face in the moon, you might catch a glimpse--
    And though we are broken apart, it is still Yule,
    So I turn my eyes to the heavens and wish you well.

    Blessed Be.

    Submitted on 2007-12-23 22:55:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Nice images and feelins. The expanse of heaven a medium to equal the volume of longing.

    I had a thought about the opening. I think you could tighten the piece up a bit to give it more punch. Just a thought.

    I looked up into the winter sky tonight

    to maybe
    Looking into the winter night sky tonight

    nice piece


    | Posted on 2007-12-25 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      I find this work to display a certain kind of literary bravery. I like how you make it clear that you know this kind of piece is nothing new, but you've got to write it anyway. The message is displayed in your own way and you did a good job in my opinion- it came through as original and totally your own, and I think that was the challenge here (as a writer, not the character). Well done.
    | Posted on 2007-12-24 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      Brought tears to my eyes. I've often looked at the moon and wondered if some faraway loved one is looking at it too just then.

    The lady I love best lives exactly on the other side of the world from me and we are both bound to our families where we live.

    So your poem here gave me a special moment and that makes it totally successful as art!
    | Posted on 2007-12-24 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]