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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Moon Peaksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450/382/94
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 333



    Description:
       Just a little something.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Moon Peaksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She sits there alone
    on a dark road
    shivers in every bone
    doing what she was told

    She looks around
    but no ones there
    not a sound
    no one cares

    No one looks for her
    and as the moon peaks
    she screams a slur
    but no one hears her shrieks




    Submitted on 2007-12-24 19:55:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The imagery that comes to my mind after reading is a fearful silence in the darkness of the night.

    What is left unanswered, or if i just don't get it is that:
    "Doing what she was told"
    -what was that supposed to mean, I would like to understand.

    Nice idea, but still lacking.. it can still use more lines or more detail.

    Maybe the emotion as this piece is being written is really sad and alone, I do hope the writer has found someone to be with now..:)

    | Posted on 2007-12-25 00:00:00 | by zadhoevlhu13 | [ Reply to This ]
      forced rhyme with peaks and shrieks.

    i dont like either of the two words, maybe a better pair would be more...fitting?


    they make me feel hate :)
    | Posted on 2007-12-24 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]


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