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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: New life.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 94/133/31
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 876



    Description:
       I realised today, I lived a life filled with regrets and I always displayed my so called 'pain' so other would pay attention to me... I end this martyr's life today.

    And to all those who might recognise themselves in what I just said, read this poem carefully... You're not alone and you're not a martyr... Why not starting to live for real...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNew life.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting in a dark corner,
    Smoking down a cigarette,
    I let my mind wander...
    I think of all the regret.

    A small voice echoes in my head.
    "Your such a nice martyr...
    What's the reason for all the tears you shed?
    Once again you live by you fears."

    As I let out a soft sigh,
    My mind becomes clear...
    I gave up my fight...
    It won't get better in here.

    Ashes falls on the ground
    And I slowly get up.
    No more bounds,
    Nothing else for me to stop.

    I lived my life with regrets.
    I lived my life with fears.
    Now is the time to forget,
    All I was in those passed years.

    I am not a martyr,
    I won't take any more pity.
    Life's not over...
    It'll never be...




    Submitted on 2007-12-24 21:56:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Okay I actually really loved this because I too had that same feeling once. I'm really glad you have realized what a shame it is that you waste your life away trying to make people pay attention to you. It's good to look at things from this end. I love your idea for this poem. Some revising could be done, but it turned out great for the most part :)
    | Posted on 2007-12-25 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the idea of taking back your life, not living as a martyr.

    I do wrestle a bit with the form, just me perhaps, but it seems a bit wordy. I think youmight be able to tighten it up and maintain the form.

    I was thinking of something like

    In a dark corner,
    Sucking on a cigarette,
    My mind is let to wander...
    Among the regret.

    Just thoughts

    nice work

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2007-12-25 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. Almost seems like there should be a follow up positive piece- sort of a "part two" epilogue to it. What I get from reading this is that you sort of felt like you wanted to be martyred, but realised all it really was was pity, and decided that wasn't what you really wanted. I think your feelings are marvelously well catalogued here. (Assuming I enterpreted it right.)
    -Q
    | Posted on 2007-12-24 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]


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