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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: X-MAS Holidaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlueTorcher
    Elite Ratio:    7.33 - 65/34/38
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 93
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1081



    Description:
       One version of X-Mas


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsX-MAS Holidaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The cranky relatives
    The uncooked turkey
    The lound tv

    And Uncle Johnny
    The screaming and yelling
    The arguments
    And food

    The things you wish
    You had done instead
    Of sitting here this evening
    Sitting by a bed

    The bouncing children
    The excited adults
    The bored teenagers
    Who sit and mope

    The bright lights
    That blind you with their colors
    The tacky decorations
    That mix match with one another

    The desperate jokes
    And high pitched laughs
    That never let you escape
    From their grasps

    The hurried goodbyes
    The soft goodnights
    The promises of contact
    That vanish into the night

    The loud sighs of peace
    The sleep of family
    The covers on the floor
    The house a mess

    A sneeze interupts the silence
    That has been put in place
    Quickly silenced and erased
    As we finally sit back and lay




    Submitted on 2007-12-25 22:58:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hehe, why are the teenagers always bored! why do the adults and babies always get to have fun? you totally captured the christmas moments. we might be continents apart, but it's fascinating how one can relate to that!

    well, you asked for nitpicking details... first of all, you might have not noticed at all, but the first stanza is only three lines long! on purpose? if so, forgive me!

    [...] That mix match with one another [...] ~ I'd cut out the "with", it's an extra syllable there, kinda throws off the beat of that stanza!

    All in all, great job with the last stanza, i *love* the word "erased" for some weird reason (when it's not used in it's literal meaning).

    you've got a good mind for capturing moments and describing them without much need for intrinsic details (which are great now and then, but some people--like me *cough*--overuse it sometimes, and it becomes draining to read).

    Keep up, darling

    sweet*peas
    | Posted on 2008-01-13 00:00:00 | by Sweet Peas | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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