[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Alonedots

    Author: Morsketch
    ASL Info:    21/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 27/26/26
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1358


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Quiet voices from another room…
    Muffled sounds,
    Tiny scrapes,
    Covered tracks and hushed escapes,
    Secrets hidden in the walls,
    Ginger movements, silenced calls,
    Bangs and clangs from fragile things,
    Thousands of glorious ways to sing...

    Yells of brutal clawing brawls,
    Terrible quakes and violent falls,
    All reasons for some shock and awe,
    All reasons for a slack jaw maw,
    All reason to go run and see,
    What exciting events there may be…

    For raucous laughter so violent,
    Must be reason for some merriment,
    Or some other action long awaited,
    In this hollow tomb of anticipation,
    But nothing exciting happens here,
    This place is never filled with cheer,
    This place has never seen a fear,
    Except, perhaps, there have been tears…

    For there is no reason to go check,
    Down the hall, and on the deck,
    I know everything that happens there,
    What exists about this place to share,
    What noises do go haunt the night,
    What reasons there are for a fight,
    Why rattles are questioned,
    And tremors require mentioned
    Whispers to be known…

    It’s because, my dear,
    I am forever here,
    And at all times, alone.

    Submitted on 2007-12-26 11:47:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like the fairly abrupt ending to the poem, it contrasts nicely with the repetitive rhyming, which is also well done. each line to me seem like it is attacking the reader, and each line also reads very smoothly, good natrual flow. my only suggestion is in the second stanza... with the last line, i feel like the flow would be slightly improved and the meaning not lost if you remove "there" from the line.

    great write, keep it up.

    | Posted on 2007-12-26 00:00:00 | by Guermo | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    You read free written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Yes written by poetotoe
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    prison written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]