[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Alonedots

    Author: Morsketch
    ASL Info:    21/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 28/26/26
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 787
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1358


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Quiet voices from another room…
    Muffled sounds,
    Tiny scrapes,
    Covered tracks and hushed escapes,
    Secrets hidden in the walls,
    Ginger movements, silenced calls,
    Bangs and clangs from fragile things,
    Thousands of glorious ways to sing...

    Yells of brutal clawing brawls,
    Terrible quakes and violent falls,
    All reasons for some shock and awe,
    All reasons for a slack jaw maw,
    All reason to go run and see,
    What exciting events there may be…

    For raucous laughter so violent,
    Must be reason for some merriment,
    Or some other action long awaited,
    In this hollow tomb of anticipation,
    But nothing exciting happens here,
    This place is never filled with cheer,
    This place has never seen a fear,
    Except, perhaps, there have been tears…

    For there is no reason to go check,
    Down the hall, and on the deck,
    I know everything that happens there,
    What exists about this place to share,
    What noises do go haunt the night,
    What reasons there are for a fight,
    Why rattles are questioned,
    And tremors require mentioned
    Whispers to be known…

    It’s because, my dear,
    I am forever here,
    And at all times, alone.

    Submitted on 2007-12-26 11:47:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like the fairly abrupt ending to the poem, it contrasts nicely with the repetitive rhyming, which is also well done. each line to me seem like it is attacking the reader, and each line also reads very smoothly, good natrual flow. my only suggestion is in the second stanza... with the last line, i feel like the flow would be slightly improved and the meaning not lost if you remove "there" from the line.

    great write, keep it up.

    | Posted on 2007-12-26 00:00:00 | by Guermo | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Happy New Oblivion written by Pietro
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    Gone written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Rose colored glasses written by taintedsmiles
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Mei written by Chelebel
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Hide away written by robbie
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    Challenge - Msg to a Mountain Lynx written by Daniel Barlow
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]