Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: King of junkiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poppi
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 72/55/37
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 584



    Description:
       I'm not to sure where this came from, i just kinda typed it. I'm very conflicted right now, soI think that might be the root of this piece. I might come back later and change it. Any suggestions are appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKing of junkiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    See the junkies, writhing in the corner
    Pretend theyíre the jesters of your kingdom
    You reign down upon them
    With critical acclaim, for they keep you up
    When the concubines let you down
    See the world through a shattered,
    Looking glass
    Incoherent melodies strewn across walls
    No one can decipher
    Only you can define
    Streets of gold, shine in the sun
    But itís only half-hearted glory
    Say good-bye, even with your crown
    Your only the king of junkies
    And Iím just so tired of being let down




    Submitted on 2007-12-26 20:09:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      conflict, to me, is the essence of drama and poetry and any other artform; at least, i tend to thrive on it, however subconsciously.

    and yes, i've seen these junkies you describe... who hasn't, i guess? i feel sorry for them, i really do. but then, they're just trying to find warmth and connection and their version of god in my opinion.

    as for suggestions? the only thing i can think of is to perhaps make this more... rooted in the literal. take this piece and expand upon it; give this king of junkies a name perhaps, some flesh to his character. make the reader know him inside out, y'dig? there's always room for expansion, much like another chapter to a novel. and i think you meant "you're" in your second to last line...
    ~
    | Posted on 2008-02-19 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I'm going to bed soon as my eyes are barely staying open...
    But I had to read this before going anywhere, and I couldn't leave without commenting. It says above that you are 14 and yet your vocabulary is fantastic. I still don't use some of the words you did.
    Your references were pretty good too. Confliction has always drawn me to it really, because it's so hard to decide on anything. The harder it is to decide, the more you have to think. Sometimes it helps me realize more things than I would have without being conflicted...
    Cheeses, I'm not sure if this is makin' sense anymore.
    But anyway, you shouldn't be so quick to bash your own writing.
    Some writer's ego wouldn't be a bad thing now ;).
    Well done. Thanks for the read. Keep it up...
    And tell me, are you Really 14?? haha.
    G'night.
    | Posted on 2007-12-27 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    154958

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Giving written by jjd
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry