Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: King of junkiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poppi
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 72/55/37
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 584



    Description:
       I'm not to sure where this came from, i just kinda typed it. I'm very conflicted right now, soI think that might be the root of this piece. I might come back later and change it. Any suggestions are appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKing of junkiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    See the junkies, writhing in the corner
    Pretend theyíre the jesters of your kingdom
    You reign down upon them
    With critical acclaim, for they keep you up
    When the concubines let you down
    See the world through a shattered,
    Looking glass
    Incoherent melodies strewn across walls
    No one can decipher
    Only you can define
    Streets of gold, shine in the sun
    But itís only half-hearted glory
    Say good-bye, even with your crown
    Your only the king of junkies
    And Iím just so tired of being let down




    Submitted on 2007-12-26 20:09:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      conflict, to me, is the essence of drama and poetry and any other artform; at least, i tend to thrive on it, however subconsciously.

    and yes, i've seen these junkies you describe... who hasn't, i guess? i feel sorry for them, i really do. but then, they're just trying to find warmth and connection and their version of god in my opinion.

    as for suggestions? the only thing i can think of is to perhaps make this more... rooted in the literal. take this piece and expand upon it; give this king of junkies a name perhaps, some flesh to his character. make the reader know him inside out, y'dig? there's always room for expansion, much like another chapter to a novel. and i think you meant "you're" in your second to last line...
    ~
    | Posted on 2008-02-19 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I'm going to bed soon as my eyes are barely staying open...
    But I had to read this before going anywhere, and I couldn't leave without commenting. It says above that you are 14 and yet your vocabulary is fantastic. I still don't use some of the words you did.
    Your references were pretty good too. Confliction has always drawn me to it really, because it's so hard to decide on anything. The harder it is to decide, the more you have to think. Sometimes it helps me realize more things than I would have without being conflicted...
    Cheeses, I'm not sure if this is makin' sense anymore.
    But anyway, you shouldn't be so quick to bash your own writing.
    Some writer's ego wouldn't be a bad thing now ;).
    Well done. Thanks for the read. Keep it up...
    And tell me, are you Really 14?? haha.
    G'night.
    | Posted on 2007-12-27 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    154958

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    prison written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry