[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: King of junkiesdots

    Author: poppi
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 72/55/37
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 892
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 584

       I'm not to sure where this came from, i just kinda typed it. I'm very conflicted right now, soI think that might be the root of this piece. I might come back later and change it. Any suggestions are appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKing of junkiesdots

    See the junkies, writhing in the corner
    Pretend theyíre the jesters of your kingdom
    You reign down upon them
    With critical acclaim, for they keep you up
    When the concubines let you down
    See the world through a shattered,
    Looking glass
    Incoherent melodies strewn across walls
    No one can decipher
    Only you can define
    Streets of gold, shine in the sun
    But itís only half-hearted glory
    Say good-bye, even with your crown
    Your only the king of junkies
    And Iím just so tired of being let down

    Submitted on 2007-12-26 20:09:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      conflict, to me, is the essence of drama and poetry and any other artform; at least, i tend to thrive on it, however subconsciously.

    and yes, i've seen these junkies you describe... who hasn't, i guess? i feel sorry for them, i really do. but then, they're just trying to find warmth and connection and their version of god in my opinion.

    as for suggestions? the only thing i can think of is to perhaps make this more... rooted in the literal. take this piece and expand upon it; give this king of junkies a name perhaps, some flesh to his character. make the reader know him inside out, y'dig? there's always room for expansion, much like another chapter to a novel. and i think you meant "you're" in your second to last line...
    | Posted on 2008-02-19 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I'm going to bed soon as my eyes are barely staying open...
    But I had to read this before going anywhere, and I couldn't leave without commenting. It says above that you are 14 and yet your vocabulary is fantastic. I still don't use some of the words you did.
    Your references were pretty good too. Confliction has always drawn me to it really, because it's so hard to decide on anything. The harder it is to decide, the more you have to think. Sometimes it helps me realize more things than I would have without being conflicted...
    Cheeses, I'm not sure if this is makin' sense anymore.
    But anyway, you shouldn't be so quick to bash your own writing.
    Some writer's ego wouldn't be a bad thing now ;).
    Well done. Thanks for the read. Keep it up...
    And tell me, are you Really 14?? haha.
    | Posted on 2007-12-27 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Incubus written by monad
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]