Description: I'm not to sure where this came from, i just kinda typed it. I'm very conflicted right now, soI think that might be the root of this piece. I might come back later and change it. Any suggestions are appreciated.
King of junkies -------------------------------------------
See the junkies, writhing in the corner
Pretend theyíre the jesters of your kingdom
You reign down upon them
With critical acclaim, for they keep you up
When the concubines let you down
See the world through a shattered,
Incoherent melodies strewn across walls
No one can decipher
Only you can define
Streets of gold, shine in the sun
But itís only half-hearted glory
Say good-bye, even with your crown
Your only the king of junkies
And Iím just so tired of being let down
conflict, to me, is the essence of drama and poetry and any other artform; at least, i tend to thrive on it, however subconsciously.
and yes, i've seen these junkies you describe... who hasn't, i guess? i feel sorry for them, i really do. but then, they're just trying to find warmth and connection and their version of god in my opinion.
as for suggestions? the only thing i can think of is to perhaps make this more... rooted in the literal. take this piece and expand upon it; give this king of junkies a name perhaps, some flesh to his character. make the reader know him inside out, y'dig? there's always room for expansion, much like another chapter to a novel. and i think you meant "you're" in your second to last line...
Well, I'm going to bed soon as my eyes are barely staying open...
But I had to read this before going anywhere, and I couldn't leave without commenting. It says above that you are 14 and yet your vocabulary is fantastic. I still don't use some of the words you did.
Your references were pretty good too. Confliction has always drawn me to it really, because it's so hard to decide on anything. The harder it is to decide, the more you have to think. Sometimes it helps me realize more things than I would have without being conflicted...
Cheeses, I'm not sure if this is makin' sense anymore.
But anyway, you shouldn't be so quick to bash your own writing.
Some writer's ego wouldn't be a bad thing now ;).
Well done. Thanks for the read. Keep it up...
And tell me, are you Really 14?? haha.