Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: rarefied air. dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Melora
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 175/198/128
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 383



    Description:
       We can bear this burden, I'm not scared.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsrarefied air. dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The moon is a monocle
    And condensation obscures its vision
    It can see us in slits, cracks, and crevices
    Where our fingers have traced through
    Mingling breaths of
    Rarefied air
    It views us through capsules
    Capsizing where condensation ceases to congeal
    Catalyzed where our faces are concealed
    Behind panes of rarefied air.




    Submitted on 2007-12-27 22:43:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There's a secret in this poem, and the condensation hides it. I like the imagery, and the tone is almost like an urgent whisper. Vocabulary--also decent, not too cliché. Overall this was nicely done.

    {Kate}
    | Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes me think of staring out through glass doors at the moon on a cold, winter night.

    Rarefied air...we have grown less dense, we have thinned out in this thin air.

    We have breathed gold.
    | Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      basic maid service? poe
    | Posted on 2007-12-28 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155015

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry