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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The War Zonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 752
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1002



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe War Zonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The War Zone


    We are living in some hell-like war zone
    Where each is fighting for each own
    Chaos and havoc, the math behind the alchemy
    And every friend’s friend is a potential enemy

    We see the world through these glasses of green
    Where they choose what to remain unseen
    Dark is the world when we beat ourselves to death
    With the sticks that are torn from the few trees left

    This woman tries to salvage what salvaged can be
    In a war zone were all for one, and one hates all
    Where they misread and mislead, all misread can be done
    The truth hides in a closet, like the bullet in the gun

    We are living in a war zone, where the seeds have been killed
    Had a field in the clearing, that could have been filled
    Though special and unique, it will remain forever unseen
    In a war zone those fields can be nothing but a dream



    ..




    Submitted on 2007-12-29 16:17:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is nice. You honestly have a real talent for rhyming, it's just amazing to me how some people can do that, because I have such a hard time. You must have a really extended vocabulary then, huh? Somethings, the second line in the first stanza could say something like
    "Where each is fighting for their own", instead of the word each again, unless it was part of what you were working with, I would just think it sounded better, but you may keep it if you want, it's your own work. And the third stanza, the first two lines don't rhyme, like the others ones do, and it sort of threw me off, but again if this was your plan, by all means keep it, because the poem is still good the way it, I am just offering some suggestion. The topic matter is really something more people should be thinking about, and also some ways to change it. I hope by the coming elections, people have some better ideas on what they want the country and the world to be like.
    Nice work,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
       I liked your poem. It shows emotion and truth.
    I don't have them on here but, I wrote a few poems about the war in Iraq and yours is way better than mine.
    My cousin would like it because it's nice and he fought in Iraq for 2 years before he came home. It's really nicely written and flows greatly.
    Great job and keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by The lost child | [ Reply to This ]


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