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    dots Submission Name: Why I Love the Nightdots

    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 957
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1167


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy I Love the Nightdots

    Thundering so wildly like a raging bull
    Sneaking and crawling inside my skull
    Feeling the tiredness crawling through
    Holes in the skin, bleeding blue

    How the pain stretches beneath the deep
    A demon inside which lulls me to sleep
    I cannot sleep through this blessed night
    Sweet lies of darkness, they feel so right

    Tomorrow again when the light returns
    With no shadow to hide in, my soul will burn
    Revealed will be the paths of day
    Problems to solve and puzzles to play

    It will take all the silence inside my mind
    The peace that it took me the night to find
    My failures so clear in the touch of light
    Falls to my knees in this endless fight

    But like the phoenix, you could say
    The beetle will come for the dying day
    As the Ashes gives birth to the darkest lies
    The night awakens, and I open my eyes

    My lies will soothe this beating heart
    Where the demon makes the bleeding art
    For I find in my darkest web of lies
    My life, my reason, the peace inside

    Submitted on 2007-12-29 16:37:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is lovely! I feel the same, about night. The best part of a day it is. As the person before me said, the rhyme was wonderful! It flowed so perfectly and the meter wasn't bad at all. I only noticed one place where it wasn't consistent but what do I know? It's your poem, maybe you planned it that way. The metaphors were absolutely amazing. I adore metaphors and the poem as a whole was brilliant! Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by doppelganger | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is nice. The rhyming wasn't forced or anything, which is big because so many of the rhyming work that I happen to come by seem that way. It just flow, it was really rhythmic. This is a pretty great piece of work, although the theme wasn't so happy, it was finalized as the truth in the last stanza, it's beautiful almost in some way that I can't really explain. Although, in the last stanza the word should be "soothe", with an "e". And the second stanza it should read "how the pain stretches" I just feel that if you fix the mistakes it would make the poem so much more amazing. And the third stanza, it should be "the light returns", and the last stanza it should read "Where the demon makes". If you fix those thing, I think it would read smoother, because on the second read, I tripped over the mistakes, but this is a pretty good piece of work.
    Be well,
    | Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

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