This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Why I Love the Night

Author: ChrystalR
ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126 /121 /58
Words: 190
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 1531
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1167


Why I Love the Night

Thundering so wildly like a raging bull
Sneaking and crawling inside my skull
Feeling the tiredness crawling through
Holes in the skin, bleeding blue

How the pain stretches beneath the deep
A demon inside which lulls me to sleep
I cannot sleep through this blessed night
Sweet lies of darkness, they feel so right

Tomorrow again when the light returns
With no shadow to hide in, my soul will burn
Revealed will be the paths of day
Problems to solve and puzzles to play

It will take all the silence inside my mind
The peace that it took me the night to find
My failures so clear in the touch of light
Falls to my knees in this endless fight

But like the phoenix, you could say
The beetle will come for the dying day
As the Ashes gives birth to the darkest lies
The night awakens, and I open my eyes

My lies will soothe this beating heart
Where the demon makes the bleeding art
For I find in my darkest web of lies
My life, my reason, the peace inside

Submitted on 2007-12-29 16:37:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This is lovely! I feel the same, about night. The best part of a day it is. As the person before me said, the rhyme was wonderful! It flowed so perfectly and the meter wasn't bad at all. I only noticed one place where it wasn't consistent but what do I know? It's your poem, maybe you planned it that way. The metaphors were absolutely amazing. I adore metaphors and the poem as a whole was brilliant! Keep writing!
| Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by doppelganger | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is nice. The rhyming wasn't forced or anything, which is big because so many of the rhyming work that I happen to come by seem that way. It just flow, it was really rhythmic. This is a pretty great piece of work, although the theme wasn't so happy, it was finalized as the truth in the last stanza, it's beautiful almost in some way that I can't really explain. Although, in the last stanza the word should be "soothe", with an "e". And the second stanza it should read "how the pain stretches" I just feel that if you fix the mistakes it would make the poem so much more amazing. And the third stanza, it should be "the light returns", and the last stanza it should read "Where the demon makes". If you fix those thing, I think it would read smoother, because on the second read, I tripped over the mistakes, but this is a pretty good piece of work.
Be well,
| Posted on 2007-12-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?