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    dots Submission Name: Chocolatedots

    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 37
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1255
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 244


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    In your hands
    I am chocolate
    on a summer day
    softened and puddled
    without form smeared
    within the wrapper
    messy, but still sweet
    touch me with your tongue
    lick me from the paper

    Submitted on 2007-12-30 23:13:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      yummmy.... oo, how sensual.. nice comparison of the chocolate and the way someone can make you feel all ooey and gooey and soft and... well, yeah... i love the image of licking you from the paper. .. very delicious indeed!

    very inviting, Chrystine.

    | Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my! Nectar and chocolate, all to be gathered as one! Very sensual!
    | Posted on 2008-01-12 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a gentle foray into the wonderful world of double entendres and it was quite delicious.
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooooh, how sensually sweet. The video and the poem were enticingly delectable. The music was okay too, it sounds slightly teasing, which I assume you were going for. Nice work!

    | Posted on 2008-01-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehe, I watched the youtube video. Honestly, I feel like the "do do do"s in the background sort of took away from the sensuality you were trying to convey with your words. It could have done without the "dos". Hehe, as for the poem itself, it seems like something that should have been one of the sections of your book, which is contently placed in my library. I am a huge fan of your work, Chrys, believe it. This was really well written. The youtube video, maybe I missed what you were trying to do with it, so I'll go watch it again, but I truly did feel that the "dos" took away from it.
    Happy New Year and Be Well,
    | Posted on 2007-12-31 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

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