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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Break of Lightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Porcelaine
    ASL Info:    21/F/Croatia
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 850/653/234
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 133
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 662



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Break of Lightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dilated madness

    I made this frenzied fantasy
    With poisoned eyes, tricky touches and the edge of a steel
    On a yearning brink of destruction
    On a howling night
    When he was lonely with his fallen ones
    And left out there to fade

    How easy it was to reach

    But he wasn't fragile
    He wasn't even ever there, in that piece of the world
    He sneaked out silently and left his body in control
    To an epitome of rage and a fist guided lunacy
    That left naught to restrain and everything
    To the abyss behind his lids

    I was subdued




    Submitted on 2007-12-31 10:47:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's hard to remember that this poem is about a fantacy! It reads as if it were the words in a dream, with illusions only partly described!

    It is powerful and elusive, as all fantacies are! Your work is brilliant, and always so deep!
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Now this...this is my kind of poetry. I love it when we just throw ourselves headlong into the mass of words...and emerge with a poem stuck to our bodies.

    Alright. That just sounded stupid. Forget what I just said.

    "Dilated madness" ---> apparently your eyes dilate when you are attracted to/in love with someone. That's what this line made me think of.

    "I made this frenzied fantasy
    With poisoned eyes, tricky touches and the edge of a steel" ---> sounds like someone was both seducing and playing hard to get.

    "On a yearning brink of destruction
    On a howling night" ---> howling...in what sense? :) Ah, I'm just kidding. Sounds like a cold, winter night.

    "When he was lonely with his fallen ones
    And left out there to fade" ---> suddenly, I get a sense of battle and warfare. From love to war...is that what is happening? Or did I just get all mixed up in the first place? Whatever. All's fair in love and war.

    Interesting piece. I love the pure abandon of it.

    Peace and Cosmic,
    Asiaticfox
    | Posted on 2008-01-03 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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