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    dots Submission Name: you were still alivedots

    Author: Myopic
    Elite Ratio:    2.31 - 31/58/63
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1131
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2173


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyou were still alivedots

    blanketed by those
    things that
    society would not let
    you benefit from,
    those songs you made in
    tape cassettes lying on
    your floor, sounds
    of silence to everyone else.

    "life is despair"

    she says.
    that last word softly
    melting from her mouth
    like the smoke
    from a fatally existential
    French woman's
    dressed in black,
    for a black

    you, turning your head,
    filled with
    indirectness, say,

    what about
    when life
    is happiness for
    so many just
    like you - always at some
    point needing to
    prove your
    animal nature?"

    failing to see herself,
    her head is
    away from the sun, as she stares
    to the oncoming darkness to ail her eyes
    already so blinded by the sun,
    she feels cold relief in the dark under it's blankets,
    slowly freezing.

    or wrong
    move on,
    you always do,
    or else what would you
    have to live for?
    and you may not ever know
    but you'll eventually thank
    God or whoever for
    the fact that we're not
    so focused on one
    supreme thing,
    while so many other types
    of beautiful things fly past you.
    you pay no notice."

    "we're all alive,
    you know.
    all we have to do
    is find out what
    the hell that means"

    she turns to you
    with that self-righteous expression
    on her brow that she knows
    so well,
    so Victorian, so decadent in sweets
    and fine wines, clinging to her own
    words in such confidence, as if
    she had nothing else to
    hold on to.

    "my darling,
    so angelic,
    no one's
    and even if they were,
    we're all
    too sick
    to see it."

    Submitted on 2008-01-02 10:40:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I gotta agree with Santos. You seem to be in tune with trends. Don't know if that's a good thing though. This modern poetry seems to washed out for me. You need brighter visuals to get my attention. Nonetheless it's an ok poem.
    | Posted on 2008-01-02 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great piece...in tune with the trends we have seen in poetry over the recent years.
    Your poem reminds me a lot of modern poets, like Larkin and Hughes, although there are strains of Elliot in your imagery.
    Good stuff...you've got a good hold of technique.
    | Posted on 2008-01-02 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]

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