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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Cry You Won't Hear Or Read!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: obaid
    ASL Info:    21/M/Gauntlet
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 148/93/34
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Political
    Total Views: 731
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1151



    Description:
       I command you to: Read it... feel it... Understand it... Believe it!

    What you don't like being commanded now is it? Well this is what is being done to you every second of your life! Wake up and join the rebellion... wake up brothers...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Cry You Won't Hear Or Read!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Don't you feel yourself in you?
    The soul, the spirit, the remnants of your conscience?
    Be you a Christian, a Muslim or a Jew-
    Tell me in which Holy book was it permitted to
    Kill yourself and take others with you?

    As for you, my master draped in an extravagant suit-
    The one against terrorism, the one of peace!
    You breed terrorism, innocent lives you terrorize-
    You lead a war and without a grave my mother dies!

    Who am I to write this? Who am I to talk about
    Peace, War and your "Oily" dreams?
    I am one of the million voices that can speak...
    Than can hear human cries and screams!

    You defy the rules made by your ancestors in the
    Room you made to maintain "Peace" at all cost!
    You invade lands with utmost apathy-
    As far away we protest and our protests are lost!

    Among you, THOUSANDS are not in your favor
    They want your war and your BUSINESS to stop!
    Like us- they are ants in your ant farm...
    The season is still ripe and you keep reaping your crop!




    Submitted on 2008-01-02 10:49:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well... First off, I totally agree with the views expressed here. Though the poem isn't that great. You could tune it up a bit. This topic is on everybody's mind right now so to pull it off you gotta bring something new to the table.
    | Posted on 2008-01-02 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one...it's not a "brilliant" piece, but it works for me because it reflects a conscious, thinking mind. One thing I need to point out, since you are using rhyme, is that you need to keep the meter in a certain framework. In the first stanza, you use 5 lines, while in the rest you use 4 lines each...that doesn't quite work, because when you are using rhyme, you need to keep within a basic framework which you shouldn't deviate from.
    Good...but keep working on this.
    | Posted on 2008-01-02 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]


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