Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Shame


Author: koster
ASL Info:    51 So. Calif deser
Elite Ratio:    6.89 - 185 /105 /78
Words: 214
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1155
Average Vote:    3.0000
Bytes: 1386



Description:




Shame



I see you sit
twisting your fingers
into knots and watch
the way your head
angles downward
preventing your eyes
from meeting mine
I don't really care
what sin you are confessing

it is enough just to have you here
I have watched you grow
from infant, to child
and then receded from you
no longer trusted
no longer needed
as child gave way to man
Now, you come, lost,
in a time of trouble,
returning to my door
afraid not sure of your reception

In time I know
all troubles will find their endings
I know this life on earth
is filled with wrongs and
other ill turnings
I also know amid the sadness
and grief and regrettings
moments of such purity shine
and lift a heart to see eternity

laying your burden of shame,
at my feet and asking for my opinion
on what course you should choose
has reawakened all my love
lighting the darkened rooms
inside my soul
that i feel more alive

my pride in you
is of such a fierce devotion
that words fail me
you look to me and see
that softly tears assemble
to cleanse us both
as I hold you
in my arms.




Submitted on 2008-01-02 10:55:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  K,
this is beautifully written. I feel the soul-deep love spilling out in every line. The wording is so eloquently done it makes me want to cry a little. Rock on and I hope to see more writes soon.

amid the sadness and grief and regrettings,
moments of such purity shine
and lift the heart to eternity

are my favorite lines, thoug personally I would have killed the word but at the beginning of the first line I have posted here.
| Posted on 2008-01-13 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



155265