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    dots Submission Name: Eye's and I'sdots

    Author: Valle_Siddious
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Dystopia
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 93/94/41
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 1484
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 522

       I have not written in quite some time.
    Little rusty, but what do you think?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEye's and I'sdots

    Watching life drain from his face;

    Wishing only for another place.

    Satin red my velvet hands,disobeyed,
    ignored commands.

    Staring out in blank dispair; his reaching
    out for breathing air.

    Dying fingers cross the throat,
    incesion deep, a burgundy moat.
    he I's they widen greatly still.
    Eye took the life, killed the kill?

    Rejecting blame, a brief hello.
    I've never even met this fellow.

    Submitted on 2008-01-02 20:30:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      in the service we must kill or be killed...

    the perspective here is interesting...it is like that thought...what would this person be like if we sat down and had a beer together rather than one of us having to kill the other...
    we are not even acquainted..and this is a sad way to meet...
    the use of eye and i is well done...i had a time with the line "T" but i see the double meaning of "the" and "T" "He" working..just had a time getting around it in the reading--a little awkward ...

    but then the moment depicted in the poem is awkward in itself..and not easy to get over...so in a way it fits.

    | Posted on 2011-04-30 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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