Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Once Won't Ever Be Nowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Persephone
    ASL Info:    19/f/ US
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 328/352/136
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 439



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnce Won't Ever Be Nowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once there was no flaw,
    hearts beat, lungs breathed.
    There was no horrible rhythm
    there was no fatal flaw.

    Once there was no fear
    death was a far off quest
    There was no worry then,
    and there was no depression.

    Once the faultering wasn't noticed,
    there was nothing wrong at all,
    but now, now things decay,
    and death...
    Death takes all.




    Submitted on 2008-01-02 21:12:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed reading this piece- the social commentary on the progression into thanatosis seemed quite well expressed. I especially liked the use of the word "decay" in the third stanza- it really brought the piece into the transition to conclusion well. For that in particular, this was a joy to read.
    -Q
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved it. I could feel the emotion but could also view it from a third person standpoint. Just looking at it from outside everything. Been there and have to say that I don't like the feeling at all. Though when things go back to being good, it feels nice. Good write.
    | Posted on 2008-01-03 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write on how things can change from being perfect to being totally hopeless. I've had those moments and I can tell you they don't feel good at all. You bring that out pretty well here. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2008-01-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155307

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry