Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Taxicab Funeral Part II [WIP]dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SanctityExposed
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 48/66/40
    Words: 727
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 797
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 4290



    Description:
       Not cement, still a work in progress..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTaxicab Funeral Part II [WIP]dots
    -------------------------------------------


    [Present Day, 4:17 p.m.]
    My life was publically laid out by books and movies. The youth adapted to the nonsensical version of "me", and thus became the vampire. We'll suck your blood, have super-human strength and posess the ability to turn into shadows of the night. Even these thoughts are whimsical to me. Life would be more like a fantasy novel...rather than this depressing reality I was condemned to.

    How? How you ask? Even I'm not certain of that, having no recollection of my former...self? I'm no longer human, and that, my friend, is truth. From the day I awoke nude and alone, left to wander the streets of Averette, I knew my heart was no longer mine. It belongs to this thirst inside of my person, eternally driving me to search. For what, I believe, I'll never know.

    The memories I longed for slowly drifted away as I strode from the alley. That night, irrevocably, was my last evening of delight. My suffering would begin then, the true blight of my folly. I, like so many others, was losing a battle between insanity and awareness.

    I fell, and fell hard. "Blue Eyes" was nothing but a faint perfume on the air, and a carnal murder. I didn't realize then why I was so eager to taste her, but I know today. "Blue Eyes" I felt, and looked upon, as my freedom. Blinded by drowning lust and greed, the emotions that could've saved her life, that I have grown to hate, were but dust on the wind.

    There is still a part of me that refuses to believe, refuses to realize. Though, time and time again, the paper with my own dialogue is thrown into my hands. It is truth, always will be, and I forever will be at fault for the death of a woman. "I know what you are..." those words echoed through my empty shell, rattling off of raw heartflesh. But, I get ahead of myself.

    Allow me to retrace my footsteps, caked with guilt and agony. Anyone could find my devestation.

    [September 17th, near 1 a.m.]
    "I know what you are..." she whispered. Fire, fire in her eyes and those trembling lips. My green eyes smiled at her, stepping forward to nearly touch her with my broad chest.

    "I believe you" were the words I uttered so sensually, tempted to draw my hands along the curvature of her form. I longed for her, and it was apparant, the glint of heavy lust in my eyes. I stood a formidable opponent to her stony persona, sensing some sort of hesitance from this peach of a woman.

    "You'll never get away with it, you know." Her breath came quicker now, as if egging on a gradeschool bully. "Everyone will eventually come to see your true self." I heard heartbeats, like that of a frightened meadow mouse in pursuit, it vaguely reminded me of the hollywood flick...I feared something was to burst from her chest.

    I retired my lust for now, quite interested in just how much she knew. One polished shoe backwards, I placed myself an amiable distance from her ever-so touchable form. "You think so?" Simple, near pointless words to anyone else, these words heightened the level of fear I felt and, I'm sure, "Blue Eyes" felt.

    The darkness nearly shrouded us now, only a few distant street lamps any cause for light. The club let out near half hour ago, and here we were, still at a standstill with one another. I believe she knew what I had just realized, and panic flushed over her porcelain features. Blue eyes writhed in discomfort, hands clenched in front of her, fingers reddening due to nervous fidgeting. This was within seconds I realized this, almost immediately after judging the girl did she turn and run.

    High heels clicking loudly on the heavy cement, blonde curls rhythmically bounding left to right. This sight left me hungry, yet again, my feet tingling with the uncontrollable urge to pursue her. Tick-- I was off, following her, running with feverish ambition. Tock-- A scream, my hand about her mouth, a laugh from the deepest chasm of my being. Tick-- Hurriedly, we escaped into a nearby, abandoned warehouse. I owned these streets. Tock-- Time stops.




    Submitted on 2008-01-02 22:34:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's amazing...I can't wait to see where this is going.

    You constantly amaze me with your insights into the human psyche.
    | Posted on 2008-01-11 00:00:00 | by DemonicInk | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the way you ended this part, and I again found myself intrigued with our protagonist- I do wanna see where this is going. I urge you to take your time on this, however, as I wish to continue to be enchanted by his mystique.

    Now, I've only two things:
    Near the beginning, publicly is spelled incorrectly.

    The sentence at the end of the eleventh paragraph that reads 'This was within...' comes out a bit funny when read aloud. It could just be me, but it just sounds *off*

    Please keep up the good work! I look forward to your each an every post.

    Love!
    | Posted on 2008-01-07 00:00:00 | by Flynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155310

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    prison written by ShyOne
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Carry written by saartha
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Dream written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry