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Black Abyss

Author: daughterofdeath
ASL Info:    23/Female/West Virginia
Elite Ratio:    4.68 - 277 /293 /232
Words: 100
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 895
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 670


Once again, I'm in a dark mood.

Black Abyss

I'm lying in a black abyss
let me out, let me out.
You laugh,
do you think I'm crazy?
Because I'm locked in a
black abyss
That I call my mind?
I can't love,
I can't die.
Too many people are attached
to this person
they think they see.
But can you look in my eyes
and really see me?
Can you see the death
that I long for?
Can you see my pain
anger, hate?
No, of course not.
You can't see everything
that piled up
until it explodes.
and finally
I leave my abyss
once more.

Submitted on 2008-01-03 07:49:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Yes, I can feel this poem. It is like you escape all space and time. You're in a cloud. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am trapped in my mind. It's so hard to know how I feel ...
| Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by ssssss | [ Reply to This ]
  Depressing is definitely an accurate tone to this poem, and you definitely do a good job of presenting you inner "angst". To me this story is something I find too often in poetry, and tends to fall under the teenage pained youth category. That doesn't mean each case isn't specific, just that you should try to put a more personal spin on it, that really brings out more of who YOU are. Writing in free verse format requires extensive diction, and a passionate if not specific picture. You've achieved the passion, work on the diction and making it more specific to yourself.
| Posted on 2008-01-03 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]

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