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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A letter from you to medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamer37517
    ASL Info:    25/F/Bama
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 161/149/49
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 557



    Description:
       Just something that came to me.
    It still needs work. Definelty the 3rd stanza, still working on that one. It doesnt flow or work right.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA letter from you to medots
    -------------------------------------------


    I didnt mean to hurt you,
    I never thought I would.
    I didnt mean to leave you,
    I never thought I could.

    I wanted to steal your heart,
    Instead I had it crushed.
    I wanted to win your love,
    Instead I lost your trust.

    I meant to keep you happy,
    I wish that it was real.
    I meant to make you smile,
    I wish that I could feel.

    I need to say I love you,
    But I dont know if its true.
    I need to feel for someone,
    But I dont know if its you.




    Submitted on 2008-01-03 22:42:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this piece. I have been that person who wants to love the other person, but the heart won't allow it. you try to make it work only to hurt the other person. i have also been that other person too. I think you did a great job at relaying the realness of this. wonderful :)
    | Posted on 2008-01-05 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the honesty and caring in this poem.
    It reads well and the form and rhyme work well too.
    Also, I like how you stay on the subject throughout.
    That makes it a solid piece of writing.

    Good work!

    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. It is in a simple format and rhyme, but it is deep and the emotion can be read. I can relate, I've been this way with people often. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    »MIss MIsery«
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this piece- the second stanza in particular. A clever rhyme there. The third stanza seems fine to me- I wouldn't change it. If you want an idea for it, how about this

    I meant to make you laugh
    I meant for you to feel
    That when you smiled at me
    The happiness was real.

    Thats my take on it- assuming I got the original intent of the line right.
    Regards,
    Q
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem makes me sad. My favorite stanza by far has to be the second one.

    Your third stanza, though wonderful in its simplicity, sounds choppy to me. The last line doesn't quite ring well.

    I also really like the last line of your poem.
    | Posted on 2008-01-03 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]


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