Jay, there is a shivering maniacal calmness to this piece that belies the desperation simmering under the surface. Well written and knda creepy all at the same time. That means you have done your job well.
This is a great write for a depressed poem, it's so sad how we put on masks (and sometimes need to) to deceive those around us, to make them think everything is ok. It's only the ones closest to us who we would expect to see through these disguises. Except that it doesn't always work like that, does it?
The one thing I liked most is the theme, although it's a depressing poem, the theme is true in everyday circumstances.
Very well done. You have captured the essence of a suicide. Very beautiful.
The only thing I could critique, is that "i'm not okay if you look closely" is repeated sometimes where it doesn't fit. In the second and third stanzas, the line isn't suiting. I do, however, enjoy it being used as the opening and closing line. Very good.
i can really relate to this poem, sometimes you have to act like your ok in front of everyone whne inside your heart is so broken that your slowly diying...it is a mistery how some people cant see the truth that is basically slapping them in the face..this poem had such power and sentiment, it was just beautiful...the words were so well writen that it made it flow almost effortlessly...Awsome write!!
this was VERY GOOD!!! i thought a perfect balance of images and truth. i have been in that dark place far too many times and this was an HONEST reflection on your part and that is what makes this unique and profound...cuz most people are hiding from themselves and incoherent to the world around them. and i agree with razor2therosary, that line about laughing/noose around my neck is awesome!!!!