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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Content Evermoredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    23/M/Columbus, Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    5.3 - 207/276/228
    Words: 247
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1018
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1752



    Description:
       Uhhh, to be honest I don't even remember writing this, or when I did it. I know it was probably angsty, and following a break up or something, regardless I thought it was decent, and decided to post it on here.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsContent Evermoredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Breaking the windows
    The glass cracks and splinters
    Then explodes, raining crystals
    The light reflects off the prisms
    Vibrant colors paint the room
    For a second, you smile
    Then the glass hitís the floor
    The rainbows fade
    And you return to your dreams
    The rainbows never fade in dreams
    The illumination, in your imagination
    Is endless, eternal, everlasting.
    Its such a depressing thing to wake up
    And realize its all a lie
    A cold shower on a bitter morning
    Everything you had faith in
    Every sign or ray of hope
    Reality rises up, and suddenly its over
    You canít cry
    What would that change?
    You canít mourn
    Because emotions are immature
    Itís a cynical world
    So you mask it
    Hide it
    Mime it
    And no one realizes
    That you're afraid
    And alone
    Why should they?
    Or would they?
    You're happy enough.
    You run, jump, and play
    You smile and dance
    You help people up
    They lean on your shoulder
    Cry on you, for someone else
    So much pain in this place
    In your mind you think
    Would they hurt that much
    If they chose you?
    It doesnít matter anymore
    No more chasing after light for your darkness.
    No more searching for things that donít exist.
    Content in your hell, in your loneliness.
    Acting out your little play.
    Wearing your mask, and playing your games.
    No one will see.
    The sinister truth, behind the scenes.
    None of it matters.
    Not anymore.
    Content in this life.
    Content evermore.




    Submitted on 2008-01-03 23:17:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      god i love this write
    | Posted on 2009-02-10 00:00:00 | by taintedsmiles | [ Reply to This ]
      Just something quick and concise.

    This read was sex for my mind, and Lord knows, it's gone a while without. So, thanks for putting out. Haha!

    And, just a few sentences about what went through my head.

    I. Wow, sounds like my life. I'm trapped in here. (My mind.)

    II. Like placing your hand on that window. Yin and yang. Outside, inside. You want the BEST of both worlds.

    III. Are we really just walking this planet, crying more often that singing? Pain, so much pain, everyone has more pain that happiness it seems.

    IV. I see childhood here, adulthood, fantasy and reality.

    Soooo, all in all, EXCELLENT! You play so many realms of the mind here, and that's quite a feat.
    | Posted on 2008-01-15 00:00:00 | by SanctityExposed | [ Reply to This ]
      i see you have alot of nitpicking so i am not going to do that...
    there is no point for me to nitpick about the same things

    just want to say that i like the picture that comes into my mind for the first 5 sentences...
    its kind of keeping with the theme of broken heart and it makes me think for a moment there that there is hope, something better after the broken heart
    it brings a smile to my lips

    windows allows you to let light in but keep the nasty stuff out (not that the window means they are not there...there, just protected from it)
    windows made out of glass...reflecting your relationship/heart/yourself...
    then it breaks and in rushes all the cold and what not... like a broken heart
    but the sunlight passes thru it...bounces off it...
    and it becomes something beautiful (a rainbow)
    but rainbow like love in your poem do not last... (only in dreams)

    i mumble alot about the first 5 sentences but that is the part that captured my attention and lingered... sorry if my interpratation is off the mark and sorry if i offended you
    ^-^
    | Posted on 2008-01-09 00:00:00 | by rubymoon | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I was a little afraid of "nitpicking details," but I've decided I just can't avoid commenting. This piece was long enough that it takes the reader, or at least me, through a journey. My emotions as reactions changed as the poem progressed. Normally I would suggest not double spacing, but I think it works. When people lose love they can become numb and things don't flow as well, they have those gaps like your poem does.

    Anyways, the breaking window. This first part reminded me of a movie or a dream. Everything is moving in slow motion, and you described every moment... "raining crystals," I love that. The scene has a strong bittersweet feeling. All of this color, that one-second smile, the love. Everything explodes in your face, and it's beautiful, but only in the air.

    This part flows wonderfully, up until the "like always". I think that phrase is kind of like a tear, and your piece would be fine without it.

    The dreams... your alliteration is exquisite, and well perfectly poetic. Waking up is always the hardest thing. I listened to a John Mayor song a lot after a break up, and it really reminds me of this poem. It's called "Dreaming with a broken heart."

    I think the diction suffers a little with words like "depressing, lie, and the phrase "smack in the face". Those are ambiguous terms that describe pain, and it makes this part a little clichť-ish, at least for me.

    Then the acceptance; there's no more tears. Cold hard reality. My favorite line of this piece is: "Because emotions are immature". Wow, that is so true. Emotions are like little toddlers pulling tantrums sometimes. That is a great line! I like the way
    "So you mask it, Hide it, Mime it" sounds. It's almost like a chant.

    In: "Your happy enough." it should be "You're"(nitpicking)...

    The end of the poem sinks into despair. Loneliness is a scary thing. It's hard to imagine that someone would lock themselves up so deeply that they would actually be "content in hell". Just as the world is cynical, your tone changes and becomes more cynical at the end. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure I like it, but maybe it's supposed to make the reader feel uncomfortable. I actually find sadness strangely beautiful. Once you get to the point where there's nothing and you're numb, it's harder to be poetic. The love is gone, and there is only emptiness. Sorry, I'm rambling....

    You use a lot "no", and "never". How can someone ever be content with nothing? Anyways, you got a point across, and it made me feel the hopelessness of the situation. The word "sinister" is great. I think it really spices up the end, because sometimes it's difficult to write about a lack of something with unique diction. I like that the last line of the piece is the title. It's a strong phrase, and holds the story/sadness together nicely. I also like the use of "anymore, evermore". Good choice.

    Sorry if I wrote more thoughts than details... In my Humanities class we have been discussing the idea of a subconscious creativity pool. Inspiration and art happening all by itself. You said you don't remember writing this, so I was reminded of that. I enjoyed reading this piece, and I think you can make it stronger if you condense it a little. Hope one or more of my suggestions or thoughts were helpful. The beginning is definitely my favorite. Also, I noticed the format of the piece is kind of like pieces of broken glass, or a broken heart. Don't know if that was intended, but I like it. Thanks for the read

    :) tennisfuzz
    | Posted on 2008-01-05 00:00:00 | by tennisfuzz | [ Reply to This ]
      ah yes. I love finding oldies. I have stacks upon stacks on top of stacks of stacks of notebooks full. admittedly most of it is absolute shyte. chalk it up as hours logged.
    OK then, nitpicking details;
    1- "The light reflects off the prisms". I'm not sure about the use of the word "off" here. just not sure that is how it works, when I think of light and prisms I think through more than off.
    maybe just me.
    2- "hit's" should be just plain old hits.
    3- "The rainbows fade, like always" I think I would drop the "like always" bit. "The rainbows fade" alone is quite dramatic.
    4- "The rainbows never...", the use of the word rainbows twice and so close together is too much rainbow. ha. maybe something like "where they never fade" ( i'm sure you can do better than that but it's an example).
    5- "in dreams" and "the illumination" seem to kind of run into each other. "The illumination..." almost could be the start of a new stanza.
    6- "Reality rises up..." also feels like it could begin a new stanza.
    7- "you can't mourn" and "its a cynical world" sound so good back to back I would almost drop the line in between.
    8- how about something like "longing for someone else" instead of "cry on you..."? just a thought.
    9- "No more chasing after light for your darkness", hmmm... I'm still trying to figure that one out. I like it I'm just not sure why. ha.
    still trying to figure out what it is that does the breaking of the windows too. guess it could be the reality or realizations themselves. they are for sure heavy enough to do the trick.
    all in all not bad for something you don't even remember writing. sometimes I have found those kind to be the best to go after like a parts car. use the ideas you once had to grow new ones. in my experience anyway thats what happens.
    there you have my extensive list of nitpicks or ideas or thoughts or whatever you choose to take them for.
    | Posted on 2008-01-05 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi James,

    To me this sort of epitomizes the paradox of love. The more or better or deepr you love, the more you get hurt. So love doesn't lead to happiness, but tragedy, sadness, and depression. The happiness part is just an illusion. The reality is that , as the song goes, Love Stinks! And it's also about trying to cover up the pain and go on as if nothing hurts at all. So having said all that, I have to wonder about the last to lines. Is it just an expression of resignation. Of your acceptance of the reality of your circumstnaces? You don't SOUND content in the poem, but maybe it's a bit sarcastic, or you are expressing a feeling of "Well, I guess this is as good as it will ever be." Or are you hoping to find somethign bigger or deeper than relationships to bring contentment?

    annie
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]


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