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    dots Submission Name: Wide Eyed Wandererdots

    Author: Roberto Santos
    ASL Info:    18/Male/India
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 118/159/75
    Words: 338
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 911
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2007

       It speaks of my ever present wanderlust...a poem that speaks for me

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWide Eyed Wandererdots

    The sun beats down on this weather beaten frame
    Itís nothing new to me; itís all just the same
    The tired streets bear me with a groan
    As I kick away another solitary stone.
    Where am I going and what am I doing this morn?
    Why do I listen to the blaring of the car horns?

    To be honest, I donít have a clue
    I just donít know what I want to do
    Where do I go to escape my demons?
    I ramble on as if Iím dreaming.
    Why do I prefer this stilling solitude?
    Why do I have this isolationist attitude?

    Itís not as if I like it, I must confess
    If I donít like people, I like myself less
    Itís just that I have nowhere to go
    No ideal place for me to run to
    Thatís why I take the streets at every chance
    Pondering questions of peace and romance.

    Yes, indeed, Iím a lonesome wanderer
    My travels take me further and further
    Observing people as places go by
    Even People who donít have a place to lie.
    I take in many aspects of my city of ruins
    Whose people may be poor but are genuine.

    I sit with my coffee and look around
    And observe the happiness people have found
    In a partner or some idle pursuit
    They have partaken of joyís fruit.
    Even Iíve felt it, its sensation is fleeting
    Itís not a feeling I find often repeating.

    In the open fields, I stop for some tea
    And a sea of lovers is what I see
    Indulging in the happy moments of love
    It is now that they praise the Lord above
    Before long, they see it quite differently
    As soon as it doesnít go so excellently.

    The night has fallen, as I reckon
    Home at last does indeed beckon
    Iím weary only when I reach the door
    Otherwise Iíd have wandered some more.
    I praise Shiva, Lord of destruction
    For bringing another day to its conclusion.

    Submitted on 2008-01-04 11:25:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i kinda relate to this thats why i think i like it so much i love the medaphors in this peice i appriciate every peice of written art becouse it always speaks to someones heart as this did to mine
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by bleeding_words | [ Reply to This ]
      Your piece tells its story fairly well although it goes on just a bit. My biggest probelm is that in your resire for a rhyme scheme you let the need for a rhyming word trap you in too many places and this sucked a great deal of the punch out of the piece. When you choose to use rhyme be very careful that you don't get caught in a trap that lessens your message.
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice piece. The concept is good.

    If I may add some feedback though, it's a little conflicted between elegant and casual styles of writing. The visual aspects are a very elegant writing style, however, they are countered by the casual writing, which is reflected in the forced rhyming.

    However, by that same note, it adds to the piece, simply because it's a unique combination of the two writing styles.
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the image this poem gives as well as the fact that even though it rhymes, some parts don't. I don't know whether that was intentional or not, but for me, that breaks up the everyday thought of "here we go, another AA,BB,CC poem." Very well written and a lot of thought in it. :)
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by MyHeart2Yours | [ Reply to This ]

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