Static by isis

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Submission Name: Static dots

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Author:	isis_lenore
Elite Ratio:	3.61 - 334/124/45
Words:	81

Class/Type:	Poetry/Trapped
Total Views:	152
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	425

Description:
It is an updated version

Static

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Meaningless dreams,
Sucking the everyday-
mundane scream
from a routine of dismay.

Masquerading with painted lips,
a contented smile-
Wanting only to unzip,
this odious mask of guile.

Still sitting on our hands,
Obeying as we are told.
Hope clinging to a single strand-
if only, we can take hold!

Submitted on 2008-01-04 19:14:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  "A routine of dismay" is extra special! Sucking the scream out of it. I get a revelatory image of this whole city and world full of people with the screams sucked out of them by some mysterious censor... god what a noise there would be if the meaningless dream system started to crash! Let's make a plot?

You didn't say what there is to be hoped for! But that's a good way to end a little poem like this - leave them trying to figure out the implications!

It's such a successful piece for me, that I hardly noticed how effective the verseform is. This is a format I love to use myself ... like a nursery rhyme, but if cunningly used, it can be stunning for a serious idea. You can see I understand the verseform you chose; well, I also reckon it's well used in this poem; very appropriate.

Good grief. Well I'll bag the hell outa the next of your poems I comment on, i promise.
| Posted on 2008-01-14 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  Surviving in the midst of the rest of the world is always an unweildy practice at best and a real pain in the arse at worse. One of the worst things to come down the pike in years is good old "Political Correctness" Just kill me now and get it over.
| Posted on 2008-01-14 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this, the rhyming is also good,not to forced not to blatant.

Masquerading with painted lips,

i liked this line very much.
you could be talking about sad people forcing a smile, uncontented but fitting in to lifes regulations.waiting for a change,but passive in their actions.and the world is full of that.
thanks for sharing
tschüß

| Posted on 2008-01-05 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]

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