Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Writingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caity
    ASL Info:    15/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 5/6/4
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 91
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 703



    Description:
       My first free style..I have lots of poetry I just haven't put up on this site yet but this is my first free style ever.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWritingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As paper and pen lay before me, the surrounding walls fade away,
    Escaping to my own location, deep inside myself,
    Losing all touch with reality, becoming unreachable.
    Preoccupying my concentration, insighting my soul.

    Words flowing , spilling out, forming phrases,
    Paper and pen collide, scribbling rapidly,
    Forming a new creation, revealing the darkest corners,
    My entire heart, soul and mind on display.

    Returning now, the previous misunderstandings corrected,
    The knots have been untangled, no longer existent,
    I rid of all confusion as to who I am,
    With this new passion, I found myself once again.




    Submitted on 2008-01-05 23:34:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think this is a good start. but you should something about hwere you go when you're like this. is is scary? beautiful? let the reader EERIENCE thiswith you. draw them in. a good start.

    peace,love and all that other junk,

    joe
    | Posted on 2008-01-20 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      A very good poem about writing a poem (oh, the irony). I loved the idea of discovering who you are through the things you write.

    The first line seemed a little long and was poking out of the poem ruining the neat format.
    May I suggest simply ditching the 'surrounding' as it isn't the most necissary word. (Also, it mean walls can be interpreted as metaphorical as well as physical)

    Yes poetry is supposed to come from the "soul", yet such a word is somewhat overused in poetry. I'm afraid I can think of no word to replave it however; "spirit" sounds a little too ghostly.

    Also the line " the previous misunderstandings corrected" seems just a little too long and unnatural.

    The second stanza I liked because the use of lots of commas split it up into short and snappy sections which help bring to life this idea of scribbling ideas down to paper.

    hmmmm...yup, that's all I have to say. Apart from good post and keep posting.
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by AteMyBackpack | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.