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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lost Frienddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Xena
    ASL Info:    17/F/Pluto
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 24/20/22
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1027



    Description:
       I woke up one night and just started writing this. I haven't changed one word because it was a dream.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Frienddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I won't be here any longer

    so tell me you need me now.

    Although we both know it won't do any good.

    I wish I could stay,

    but your making me go.

    so when I am gone,

    you'll be sorry.

    because this is you fault.

    So please no tears,

    Just kiss my hand goodbye.

    I won't be around here anymore,

    and you'll be missing me.

    you treated me bad,

    never showed any care nor love,

    now it's to late.

    I can here you calling me back,

    But I just ignore,

    you'll be over me soon enough.

    Well here's my train,

    So long it was fun while it lasted.

    you tell me as I depart,

    "I wish we will meet again"

    I say nothing.

    But I silently pray we never will.




    Submitted on 2008-01-06 14:04:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow.... while reading that i realy got a sense of the break up i just went through a week ago. I felt a real sense of strength in your words, though it was something you saw as the right thing to do, there was some reservations in leaving. Its good to see someone else going through the same s@%t as me, kudos
    | Posted on 2008-01-07 00:00:00 | by Dispair | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my first comment so bare with me as I'm not 100% sure what I should be doing. It says you want "nitpicking details" so I will try my best:)

    For the things I really enjoyed about this poem - the articulation of honesty, confusion... It's real. It captures the "what I want" and "what is good for me" being two separate things... while showing that we all sometimes, can't help ourselves. My favourite part -- the last line "but I silently pray we never will."

    As for things to work on -- while I enjoy the simplicity of this poem, I think the vocabulary could be extented and punctuation added. Regardless... good stuff:)
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by Jaymi6 | [ Reply to This ]


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