Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lost Frienddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Xena
    ASL Info:    17/F/Pluto
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 24/20/22
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1027



    Description:
       I woke up one night and just started writing this. I haven't changed one word because it was a dream.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Frienddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I won't be here any longer

    so tell me you need me now.

    Although we both know it won't do any good.

    I wish I could stay,

    but your making me go.

    so when I am gone,

    you'll be sorry.

    because this is you fault.

    So please no tears,

    Just kiss my hand goodbye.

    I won't be around here anymore,

    and you'll be missing me.

    you treated me bad,

    never showed any care nor love,

    now it's to late.

    I can here you calling me back,

    But I just ignore,

    you'll be over me soon enough.

    Well here's my train,

    So long it was fun while it lasted.

    you tell me as I depart,

    "I wish we will meet again"

    I say nothing.

    But I silently pray we never will.




    Submitted on 2008-01-06 14:04:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow.... while reading that i realy got a sense of the break up i just went through a week ago. I felt a real sense of strength in your words, though it was something you saw as the right thing to do, there was some reservations in leaving. Its good to see someone else going through the same s@%t as me, kudos
    | Posted on 2008-01-07 00:00:00 | by Dispair | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my first comment so bare with me as I'm not 100% sure what I should be doing. It says you want "nitpicking details" so I will try my best:)

    For the things I really enjoyed about this poem - the articulation of honesty, confusion... It's real. It captures the "what I want" and "what is good for me" being two separate things... while showing that we all sometimes, can't help ourselves. My favourite part -- the last line "but I silently pray we never will."

    As for things to work on -- while I enjoy the simplicity of this poem, I think the vocabulary could be extented and punctuation added. Regardless... good stuff:)
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by Jaymi6 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155494

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry