[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Lost Frienddots

    Author: Xena
    ASL Info:    17/F/Pluto
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 24/20/22
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1027

       I woke up one night and just started writing this. I haven't changed one word because it was a dream.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Frienddots

    I won't be here any longer

    so tell me you need me now.

    Although we both know it won't do any good.

    I wish I could stay,

    but your making me go.

    so when I am gone,

    you'll be sorry.

    because this is you fault.

    So please no tears,

    Just kiss my hand goodbye.

    I won't be around here anymore,

    and you'll be missing me.

    you treated me bad,

    never showed any care nor love,

    now it's to late.

    I can here you calling me back,

    But I just ignore,

    you'll be over me soon enough.

    Well here's my train,

    So long it was fun while it lasted.

    you tell me as I depart,

    "I wish we will meet again"

    I say nothing.

    But I silently pray we never will.

    Submitted on 2008-01-06 14:04:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow.... while reading that i realy got a sense of the break up i just went through a week ago. I felt a real sense of strength in your words, though it was something you saw as the right thing to do, there was some reservations in leaving. Its good to see someone else going through the same s@%t as me, kudos
    | Posted on 2008-01-07 00:00:00 | by Dispair | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my first comment so bare with me as I'm not 100% sure what I should be doing. It says you want "nitpicking details" so I will try my best:)

    For the things I really enjoyed about this poem - the articulation of honesty, confusion... It's real. It captures the "what I want" and "what is good for me" being two separate things... while showing that we all sometimes, can't help ourselves. My favourite part -- the last line "but I silently pray we never will."

    As for things to work on -- while I enjoy the simplicity of this poem, I think the vocabulary could be extented and punctuation added. Regardless... good stuff:)
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by Jaymi6 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]