[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Lost Frienddots

    Author: Xena
    ASL Info:    17/F/Pluto
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 24/20/22
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1027

       I woke up one night and just started writing this. I haven't changed one word because it was a dream.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Frienddots

    I won't be here any longer

    so tell me you need me now.

    Although we both know it won't do any good.

    I wish I could stay,

    but your making me go.

    so when I am gone,

    you'll be sorry.

    because this is you fault.

    So please no tears,

    Just kiss my hand goodbye.

    I won't be around here anymore,

    and you'll be missing me.

    you treated me bad,

    never showed any care nor love,

    now it's to late.

    I can here you calling me back,

    But I just ignore,

    you'll be over me soon enough.

    Well here's my train,

    So long it was fun while it lasted.

    you tell me as I depart,

    "I wish we will meet again"

    I say nothing.

    But I silently pray we never will.

    Submitted on 2008-01-06 14:04:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow.... while reading that i realy got a sense of the break up i just went through a week ago. I felt a real sense of strength in your words, though it was something you saw as the right thing to do, there was some reservations in leaving. Its good to see someone else going through the same s@%t as me, kudos
    | Posted on 2008-01-07 00:00:00 | by Dispair | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my first comment so bare with me as I'm not 100% sure what I should be doing. It says you want "nitpicking details" so I will try my best:)

    For the things I really enjoyed about this poem - the articulation of honesty, confusion... It's real. It captures the "what I want" and "what is good for me" being two separate things... while showing that we all sometimes, can't help ourselves. My favourite part -- the last line "but I silently pray we never will."

    As for things to work on -- while I enjoy the simplicity of this poem, I think the vocabulary could be extented and punctuation added. Regardless... good stuff:)
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by Jaymi6 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Records I written by Raphael
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    The World written by jjd
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]