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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Synchronizeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EileenToTheLeft
    ASL Info:    28/f/va
    Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 16/36/55
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 738



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSynchronizeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Something in the way your body sways with your voice;
    It pulls my heart in and out with the rhythm,
    like a tide.
    Towards you and away,
    beating on and on to your direction.
    And each pull that brings me closer
    makes me yearn to stay there
    to keep a better listen.
    But your words move on
    and your hands move with them
    to push my heart away
    every half a second.
    Are you aware?
    In this bitter collaboration,
    you keep my body warm
    without even coming near it.
    For, now with your core,
    beats mine
    so sweetly synchronized.
    And only in this observation,
    have I finally found
    a sort of beauty in life.




    Submitted on 2008-01-06 17:04:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The opening lines made me think of Something in the Way by the Beatles. I had to stop reading for a second to clear it from my head and read it with an empty mind.

    I like the thought, the way you can move and breathe with someone who doesn't realize it's happening. It's incredibly romantic and tragic at the same time. There's that feeling that you've met the person who's heart beats in time with yours but for whatever reason they can't hear it.

    I also really like the "body sways with your voice." There is a natural rhythm in speaking that people have. Some have very quiet physical responses, some pronounced. My dad enunciates with his entire being while I tend to be more constrained, hoping my words convey the feelings my body cannot. It's a nice way of putting it.

    Overall this is fairly solid. There is a genuineness to it that resonates, like it wasn't overly thought out, and it moves almost like a speaker, arms raising with each inhalation and falling with each exhalation.

    On a side note, I think I lean to the left, but when I look in the mirror, my opposite leans to the right, so maybe I'm canceling myself out and am standing straight up and down with no inclination for any party, purpose or reason.

    Nice write.
    | Posted on 2009-05-11 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice the way it sets up and keeps the rhythm even while talking about it. But then, I'm easily led. Nice touch with "you keep my body warm
    without even coming near it."
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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