Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Synchronizeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EileenToTheLeft
    ASL Info:    28/f/va
    Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 16/36/55
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 738



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSynchronizeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Something in the way your body sways with your voice;
    It pulls my heart in and out with the rhythm,
    like a tide.
    Towards you and away,
    beating on and on to your direction.
    And each pull that brings me closer
    makes me yearn to stay there
    to keep a better listen.
    But your words move on
    and your hands move with them
    to push my heart away
    every half a second.
    Are you aware?
    In this bitter collaboration,
    you keep my body warm
    without even coming near it.
    For, now with your core,
    beats mine
    so sweetly synchronized.
    And only in this observation,
    have I finally found
    a sort of beauty in life.




    Submitted on 2008-01-06 17:04:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The opening lines made me think of Something in the Way by the Beatles. I had to stop reading for a second to clear it from my head and read it with an empty mind.

    I like the thought, the way you can move and breathe with someone who doesn't realize it's happening. It's incredibly romantic and tragic at the same time. There's that feeling that you've met the person who's heart beats in time with yours but for whatever reason they can't hear it.

    I also really like the "body sways with your voice." There is a natural rhythm in speaking that people have. Some have very quiet physical responses, some pronounced. My dad enunciates with his entire being while I tend to be more constrained, hoping my words convey the feelings my body cannot. It's a nice way of putting it.

    Overall this is fairly solid. There is a genuineness to it that resonates, like it wasn't overly thought out, and it moves almost like a speaker, arms raising with each inhalation and falling with each exhalation.

    On a side note, I think I lean to the left, but when I look in the mirror, my opposite leans to the right, so maybe I'm canceling myself out and am standing straight up and down with no inclination for any party, purpose or reason.

    Nice write.
    | Posted on 2009-05-11 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice the way it sets up and keeps the rhythm even while talking about it. But then, I'm easily led. Nice touch with "you keep my body warm
    without even coming near it."
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155501

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Linger written by saartha
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    To written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry