[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: perfect pearldots

    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1006
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1348

       i know i know it's a bi scattered but i will rewrite it later just give me some intake on what you think please...it's about being okay with life through your eyes

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsperfect pearldots

    take apart
    that pefrect pearl
    as it glistens in the dark
    the colored shards of ember
    encase a pupil dark
    lay every scene seen on those platers
    of perfect
    hold it up
    agaist the stream of light
    a memory
    you'd rather of kept in the dark
    go ahead pull them piece by piece
    lay them side
    by side
    between a circled up black strip
    of light
    lay the green one next to blue
    next the yellow
    step around look from behind
    a sound
    heard in slide timed your mind
    snowy white scratch the surface
    half a head
    soon then appears
    closer then from beyond that
    a grayish cieling
    pain was fear
    a floating baby
    held wavey vision
    so did appear
    another sound
    heard only from inside
    this a from of falling
    warm hearted butterflies
    pull them from that circle
    and piece them side by side
    into a pretty pearl
    step back now
    you can smile
    even though it may seem perfect
    or widdled
    all is fine
    life i see through
    this eye
    would still seem worth the while

    Submitted on 2008-01-06 18:58:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like the rhythm throughout which you use here... a rollicking gait, i guess. some parts may need tweaking to get that flow just right, but for the most part i think you've nailed it.

    after reading through this again, i found this to be quite a surreal collage of images. pearls and butterflies: perhaps connotive of who you are or want to be, metaphorically-speaking? that's what i get.
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you use line breaks to shape the speed of the poem. I especialy like this part.

    go ahead pull them piece by piece
    lay them side
    by side
    between a circled up black strip
    of light
    lay the green one next to blue
    next the yellow
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]